This is Jeff Bezos’ newest travesty – a $540 million mega yacht meant to fill the void in his body where his soul used to be.
It’s being built by Dutch company Oceano and is now making its way to it’s final fitting-out. Of course, along the way a historic bridge will have to be dismantled, but that’s all okay for ol’ Jeffrey.
It’s set for final delivery sometime in 2022 after its sea trials are done. The yacht will also come with a series of world records, including the “honor” of being the world’s largest sailing yacht, the largest yacht ever made by Oceano and the longest vessel to be built in the Netherlands.
It’s also a huge piece of shit. Trust me, I’m an expert. I went to sailing camp when I was a kid for three summers.
I mean look at it. Blue is a lame color for a ship. It’s also never going to fit on a trailer behind an F-150, as this shit is 417 feet long. What’s the point? It can only sail at 30 knots, which would barely be speeding in a school zone. That’s so lame.
This monolith to obscene wealth and excess is based on the Black Pearl, another huge piece of shit boat that is too big, but not big enough to hide the fact your parents don’t love you.
Because Jeff’s new yacht is so big and shitty, it also needs a second “shadow yacht” that will tag alongside it. It will carry crew and other personnel and private additional space for meetings and entertainment. It’ll also house a helipad. Talk about embarrassing. You build the largest sailing yacht in the world and you have to get a second one because not all of your stuff fits.
There’s no word on if this ship will help Jeff win back his wife, who divorced him last year, or his hair, that divorced him in the last decade. One thing is for sure, this $500 million dollar floating piece of shit is a better use of money than paying Amazon workers a living wage.