Here Are Some Manly Things I Did After Watching Ford V. Ferrari

Image: Ford v. Ferrari

Ford v. Ferrari, if you hadn’t noticed, is a tale of some of the most honorable things this world has to offer: capitalism, balls of steel, and men doing manly things. Vroom! Grunt! Rrrrrrrr! Perhaps the movie’s manly sentiments—sentiments we men are taught not to have in these sissy days, as they might be toxic!—scared you.

But me? Like the author of this New York Post story about how Ford v. Ferrari isn’t just a car movie, but also a “celebration of three of the most important energy sources in the world: capitalism, gasoline and testosterone,” those manly sentiments inspired me.

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They reminded me how, in this reality of ours, I’d almost lost sight of “how masculinity can make the world a better place.” I never should have let that vision slip.

The story features great insights like:

Reversing the usual (and clichéd) David-and-Goliath movie formula, “Ford v Ferrari” gets us to root for the big guy — in fact, the biggest guy, the United States. Maybe you have to go overseas to find intellectuals who actually think well of America, but the British screenwriters, the brothers Jez and John-Henry Butterworth, who wrote the movie with the American Jason Keller, clearly admire American ingenuity, which is closely tied in to a masculine drive to be the biggest dog in the yard. Britain used to be that way too, up until 1945, when its crushed spirit manifested in an election sweep for the socialist Labour party.

Heck yes. In fact, Ford v. Ferrari inspired me to do a number of great and manly things, including but not limited to:

  • Grunt regularly to assert my manliness
  • Tell everyone how Ford v. Ferrari reminded me of the good ol’ days, when boys could be boys without having to worry about all of these made-up gender politics
  • Laugh about how Ford v. Ferrari smashed that tired, feminist Charlie’s Angels rehash at the box office, because feminism is getting old and people still care about manly men like myself
  • Embrace capitalism
  • Embrace corporations
  • Further embrace corporations
  • Sit in the driveway and rev my car, to feel the “pedal to the metal” and the emissions filling the planet’s evermore-polluted air
  • Park my gas-powered car in an EV charging spot to own the wimps who believe in climate change. Get stranded when that charge runs out, loser!
  • Intimidate entire factories full of workers who make exponentially less money than I, a wealthy executive, do
  • Throw tools at my car, and my friends, in anger
  • Whack my car with tools to own the race officials trying to penalize me
  • Try to buy Ferrari
  • Fail to buy Ferrari
  • Conduct a years-long, multimillion-dollar effort to defeat Ferrari, largely out of spite and not much else
  • Punch one of my bros
  • Get punched by one of my bros
  • Drink a soda with a convenient product placement after punching and getting punched by one of my bros
  • Ruin an entire bag of freshly purchased groceries while punching and getting punched by one of my bros
  • Actually beat Ferrari

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About the author

Alanis King

Alanis King is a staff writer at Jalopnik.