Here Are More Useful Driving Tips For Women

Illustration for article titled Here Are More Useful Driving Tips For Womenem/em

The Internet is a vastly strange and fascinating place. It’s a place for merchants, artists, philosophers, gods and, of course, women. It’s a place where a woman can learn to dress, to date, to pick viable life partners and, of course, to drive.

Because us women will forever need a separate guide of how-tos regarding just about anything (LOL!), I thought I’d expand a bit on this blog that was passed along to me, titled “5 Useful Driving Tips For Women.”

The article highlights useful things, like finding a professional instructor, practicing, parking, being confident and keeping our eyelinered eyes on the road.


All great points, LMAO! Here are four of my own.

Roadkill: When Is It Safe To Eat?

Ugh, it’s this super annoying aspect that we just have to deal with, ladies! You’re just driving along and out runs an adorable little bunny or bull moose or whatever. They’re tough to avoid and we just aren’t born with the reflexes that could save our lives. So we end up with a fresh animal carcass at the side of the road and a new dent in the car! LOL!

And what are we supposed to do? Just drive off and leave this very fresh kill to rot in the sun? Not at all! Especially when it’s free range and grass-fed (very much so) like that?

Obviously, don’t bring home any old roadkill. That could have maggots and other yucky things festering inside it! But one that you’ve just slain is definitely fair game. Especially if the outside temperature is below freezing. Strap that critter to the hood of your car (or stash it in your purse) and bring it home to gut, skin and cure.


Pedestrians: When Can You Hit Them?

At night, where there are no cameras or witnesses. No exceptions. Make sure you finish the job. Anyone who lives to tell the tale can and will find their way back to you. LOL!


Regarding The Blade Trilogy: Which One Is Best?

Hm, this is a tough one. But it’s probably the third installment, Blade Trinity. Not only does Wesley Snipes offer up a typically stellar performance as the Daywalker, but the additions of Ryan Reynolds (sploosh) and Jessica Biel (sploosher) bring a greater depth to the plot than we’ve seen in previous entries.

What Do To In Case Of Fire

Occasionally, cars catch fire. This isn’t your fault! I literally cannot stress this enough. But it happens sometimes and you should be prepared for when it does.


The first thing to do is to exit the vehicle. That much is obvious. You don’t want to be in the car as it’s burning (think about how smoke clogs pores!)

And then... just walk away. Walk away from the blaze. Leave it all behind. Let heat of the flames lick your back but don’t let them bring you down anymore.


As your steps carry you further and further away, feel the shackles around your heart loosen and fall to the ground. And leave those behind, too.

Walk so far that you forget your own name. Walk so long that time ceases to exist and the only thing holding you to this earth is the heartbeat in your ears and the smell of the night in your nose.


The charred remains of the car are exactly what they are: remains. An empty shell of what they used to be. But you—you are whole and one again. Never forget that.

(h/t to Jessica!)

Writer at Jalopnik and consumer of many noodles.

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And then... just walk away. Walk away from the blaze.

Extra points for walking away in slow motion, accompanied by dramatic music, with the fire in the background.