Help! My Boss Wants to Buy an Evil Crime Lord's Car. What Should I Do?

Illustration for article titled Help! My Boss Wants to Buy an Evil Crime Lords Car. What Should I Do?em/em
Photo: Daimler

I need some advice. Recently my boss, who I love dearly, announced to the office that he is looking to buy a car. What kind of car? A 1980s executive sedan, black on black with a blood red interior? Should I be worried?


I will not post the exact listing that my boss is looking at, nor will I name the make and model of the car specifically—I don’t want someone to steal it out from underneath him. It is of the generation of large lux sedans, the not-quite limos that shuffled around all of the savings and loans crisis people drove, not to mention mob bosses and yakuza of the 1980s.

If you have seen A Taxing Woman, just picture in your mind anything in that. That and if he goes through with the deal, you’ll all see it soon enough anyway.


It seems strange that my boss, someone who is kind and compassionate, yet also stern when he needs to be, would go out of his way to buy a car that you might see:

  • Meeting a group of men in suits on a runway, all carrying Halliburton cases and discussing “large shipments.”
  • Meeting another group of men in suits in a dark alleyway, all carrying Halliburton cases and discussing a former coworker who’s “going away” for a while.
  • Meeting yet another group of men in suits in the underground parking garage of a high-end hotel, all carrying yet another set of Halliburton cases, discussing the recent police ball and the “friendship and cooperation” expected from the new chief.

I think my boss is a good guy, but maybe I’ve been missing something. Has he been a bad man this whole time? Or if he’s not, will this car change him from nice boss into crime boss?

Raphael Orlove is features editor for Jalopnik.

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Damn. When I read the headline, I thought he was considering the purchase of a vehicle with actual crime boss provenance. Something that was once owned by a noted mafioso. I came here to see which Don’s car was for sale.

But it’s just some prejudicial post about a kind of car he’s considering.

...and you didn’t even tell us what kind of car!

This post was just a series of let downs.