Happy First Day As GM CEO, Dan Akerson!

Illustration for article titled Happy First Day As GM CEO, Dan Akerson!

We'd like everyone to wish Dan Akerson a happy first day as CEO of GM in the comments below. We'll send him a card with all the well-wishing later today. Seriously. Below, my message.

Dear Dan,

We've been told you're a "car guy," (a Porsche-uh owner, even!) but just in case you're not, we've put together a few things us enthusiasts would like to see happen during your tenure as CEO of General Motors.

First of all, we're hoping you're able to stick around longer than the last two guys. But good luck with that, we're told the boss(es) are tough to work for.

Next, a word on current product. We'd like to ask you to please not kill anything with the word "Corvette" in it — that includes the ZR1, Grand Sport, Z06 or heck, even the base model. Also, please don't kill anything from Cadillac with the letter "V" or "Wagon" in it. The Camaro SS is pretty powerful, so let's keep that as well.

Now that current product's out of the way — let's talk the future. For starters, we want the El Camino back. We thought we had it back and it would even be named "El Camino." But then we got screwed over by GM marketing, GM product planning and then the Carpocalypse. Isn't it time GM brought back a product that could satisfy our needs for a light, fuel-efficient and genuinely compact pickup truck? Oh, and can ya option it with a big V8 under the hood for us hoons as well? Ask Jason Laird in PR — he's an Aussie — what that means if you've never heard of it.

Other future product we'd like to see? How about a compact car that doesn't suck. The jury's still out on the Cruze, but you definitely can't call it sexy. Contrast that with the Fiesta hatchback and you'll know what I'm screaming about. Why is it so hard to make something small, fast, lightweight and exciting to drive? Can you see what you can do about that?

Oh, by the way, on the subject of design — if the ghost of Harley Earl comes to you late at night asking where tailfins went, just ignore him.

Also, you've got to jiggle the handle in the executive washroom, or it'll never flush.

Anyway, again, good luck.

Ray Wert

Now, give us yours below.



Welcome to Hell, Dan. Have some coffee.


Whoops, coffee break's over. Everybody back to standing on your heads!