Get The Thinnest Crust Ever By Flattening Your Pizza With A Tank

GIF via Eric Rood

I hate cooking. It’s tedious, and requires a finesse beyond “make sure this bolt is torqued to this exact amount or your timing belt will come loose and your engine will explode.” I follow the directions in recipes to the letter and still fail, every time. But I might be convinced to enjoy cooking if I had a tank.

This is what happens when the lunatics at Roadkill decide to make a cooking show, so naturally, they got a little help from Bullet Proof Diesel’s Chieftain Main Battle Tank.


Here they are cooking a pizza, which of course, is the thinnest crust of all time because they ran it over with a tank. Just to be sure, they ran over the whole oven with a tank once the pizza was done. And in case that wasn’t enough flattening, they flatten even more things just for fun.

The Chieftain Main Battle Tank was one of the British armed forces’ main players in the latter half of the Cold War, with a 120-millimeter cannon and a weight somewhere between 55 and 65 tons, per Roadkill. It’s more than enough to get the tender, flaky pizza crust you desire from a pizza.

Tanks are cool. Can I skip the cooking part and just crush things with a tank?

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About the author

Stef Schrader

Contributor, Jalopnik. 1984 "Porschelump" 944 race car, 1971 Volkswagen 411 race car, 2010 Mitsubishi Lancer GTS.