Fuck Yeah America! Mercedes Minivan Defeats E30 M3

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I was just about ready to give up on everything. Today sucked. Polls show that maybe people are dumber than I thought. Halloween is over. Fuck it all. Then BringATrailer had an E30 being auctioned at the same time as 2007 R63 AMG minivan. The minivan smoked it. America is good.

Recently, someone reminded me that during the Thomas Jefferson-John Adams presidential election a pro-Adams paper said “murder, robbery, rape, adultery and incest will openly be taught and practiced” if Jefferson won. At the same time, Jefferson was telling people that Adams was umanly and had a “hideous hermaphroditical character.”

And yet we survived. If there’s anything exceptional about Americans it’s our belief that we can get through it, whatever it is. Maybe we have.


People love BMW E30 M3s and people, in this one case, are not wrong. But thinking that an E30 is “special” in 2016 is like telling people you “discovered” Arcade Fire in 2016. It’s over, man.

It’s therefore with great pleasure that I can announce that someone paid $51,000 fucking American U.S. dollars for a goddamn Mercedes minivan when they could have had an E30 M3 for about $33,500.


America made the right choice. No matter how much purer the E30 feels or how many Frank Ocean videos it ends up in or any of that shit, having an R63 AMG minivan is just better. And weirder. And more special.

My faith in humanity isn’t restored, but it’s coming back just a little bit.