Fuck France

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I usually don’t trouble myself with the legislative affairs of whatever puny country I happen to be passing through, but I’m going to make a special case for France.

People confuse France for a country of great art, fashion and food. All I see when I cast my gaze upon it is a filthy land riddled with socialists and bad wine. Things haven’t really been the same there since the last guillotine execution in 1977.

Know how I know the country’s really gone to the chiens? I read in the so-called Independent recently that the French “President” is going to propose a tax on “yachts, supercars and precious metals” for the country’s 2018 budget. From the despicable story:

“The idea of the wealth tax reform was that there should not be a brake on contributors to economic production, that we suppress taxes that deter investors,” Richard Ferrand, leader of the Republic on the Move parliamentary group, told Ouest France.

“Taxing real estate wealth is compatible with this, but goods such as yachts, luxury cars or precious metals do not contribute to the productive economy either.”

Uh, yes they do!!!

I can tell you that for my very own fleet of yachts, I only hire a crew made up of citizens of whatever country I’m docked at. People to clean, people to cook, people to captain, people to serve.

My various luxury cars, kept in my numerous places of residence, require full staffs to service them and keep them clean. You ever try keeping up an old British roadster? It’s a full-time job. Somebody has to do it. And it’s certainly not me. I already did the heavy lifting: buying the damn thing in the first place. At a fucking French auction, I might add!

My precious metals are guarded by the strongest and most powerful guards each respective country has to offer. Yes, the private sector really does pay that much better.

Just kidding. I have no precious metals. Forget I said that.

Why do I do this? Because hiring foreign workers is just such a drag. So much goddamn paperwork. I have better things to do than vouch for things like visas. Get real. This includes France.

Fine, France. Is this what you want? You take my generosity and throw it right back in my face? I was driving your economy, for crying out loud. I gave your people a purpose. And I’m finished with you. I’m pulling all of my assets out of the country and you’ll have 268 freshly unemployed citizens to look after. Your problem now.

Besides, everyone knows Monaco is the real France anyway.

via Carscoops