Forzalopnik: The Very Last Poll

Illustration for article titled Forzalopnik: The Very Last Poll

Break out the war paint and rally the troops — this is the final vote for Jalopnik's Forza Motorsport 3 Downloadable Car Pack. You know you want it. You know you need it. Vote Golden Ticket or die trying.

This is the absolute, no-question, not-gonna-happen-again (maybe) last poll. Your clicks have changed the course of (unabashedly geeky video-game) history, and we thank you for your effort. Now, however, is the time to charge. This is your Charles Lindbergh moment — will you get to the windmill at the end of Roosevelt Field, hear the groan of your fuel-filled wings, and bail, or will you climb triumphantly into the sky, nose pointed for Le Bourget and the screams of a million Lindy-mad frogs?


Only time will tell, and only you know how you will vote. Read the following and take what it says to heart:

1. Voting is all but over. The top fifteen cars from this poll will be submitted to Microsoft's Turn 10 Studios for processing. This right here is the one that counts — this is your chance to climb the ziggurat of greatness and knock back the pretenders to the throne. If you want a specific car to win, you have to get others to vote for it. (And if you're going to cheat, cheat in a way that we'll never pick up on. 30,000 fake Ford Probe voters from Wednesday, this means you.)

2. We will say it again: We cannot stop democracy, and we cannot close Pandora's box. Forza 3 is a pretty dang popular game, and the Internet is a very, very big place. If you want to be a lame cheeseface, then you can vote for lame cheeseface cars. If you have a soul and a semblance of human feeling, you will vote for Commenter Golden Ticket cars. Yes, we're trying to sway the polls. Yes, we're reducing the essence of this site to a piece of propaganda. Yes, we have an unholy love for the Mercedes-Benz 6.3 and the Volvo 240. That is all.


3. No, wait. That's not all. Let's listen to what Korey Marciniak has to say. He emailed me this morning with the words you see below. Read them. Believe them. Vote Ticket.

I need to be heard, because I stand for all that is good in this world. I stand for everything that should be heard, nay for everything that MUST be heard. I stand for cars like the Nissan Pulsar GTI-R, the Volvo T5-R, the Toyota MR-2 SC, the Mazda RX-3, and my last dying hope, the Subaru WRX STi Type-R.

I speak on their behalf, because these cars are cars that belong in a game like Forza. I want you to be honest with me: If you fired up Forza and you bought a Pontiac Fiero, which mod would you do to it first? If you said "Swap the terrible engine out so that I can also make sure the wiring harness is fixed and won't catch fire and burn all of the vehicles occupants," you were correct. If you buy a Delorean, what would you change? The engine. I need only mention the terrible atrocity that came when Gran Turismo added horseless carriages and Prius Concepts with CVTs to illustrate my point.

The cars we need are the cars that don't find in most race games, not the cars that you wish would stop leaking oil onto your front lawn and killing the grass. We need cars like the Sunny to remind us that AWD does not equate to weight, and that speed can be had for less. We need cars that remind us where we came from, not cars that make me weep with their terrible handling and require a motor swap and a life insurance policy just to enjoy myself.

TL:DR — I am an internet crazy, one who wanted to e-mail someone else about how angry he is that people on the internet are voting for cars like the Fiero over cars like an original MR2 SC. No one understands me, and I will never get to drive a Sunny GTI-R. I know it's not your fault, but I figured you'd at least grasp my insane devotion.

*single tear*

4. Go forth and do good things. We know you can.

Click on the gallery below to see and read about the final set of cars.

Commenter Golden Ticket Cars


Disclaimer: Cars pictured are for reference purposes only; appearance and specification of vehicles scanned for game usage may vary. Looking at the gallery will not give you an epileptic seizure. Probably. The vitriol and extreme disappointment that has filled the comments has not gone unnoticed. We understand, and we feel — there is nothing more soul-destroying, especially to an Alfa freak like myself, than to see your junk not make the cut — your pain. And while we stand by the notion of an open poll, we would also like to apologize for any angst we may have caused.

It's been a hell of a week. I need a nap.

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