Ford vs. Chevy Debate Finally Settled with Knives and Guns

The battle of which is better, Ford or Chevy, has been raging since the dawn of human civilization, thousands of years before the Ford Motor Company or the Chevrolet Division of General Motors even existed. That battle is finally over, thanks to the decisive results of an argument in Virginia during a “pre-Easter” dinner that ended in gun and knife wounds.

The dinner party included 56-year-old Mark Edwin Turner, his girlfriend, her son, and her son’s girlfriend. At some point during the dinner, the discussion turned to what manufacturer of cars and trucks is superior, Ford or Chevy, as is traditional for a pre-Easter dinner.

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While the sides taken by the various parties have not been released by authorities, we do know that at some point in the undoubtedly well-reasoned debate, Turner and his girlfriend’s son found themselves at some sort of intractable point, which Turner attempted to resolve via the use of a knife instead of all that useless talking.

Turner’s girlfriend stepped between Turner and her son, attempting to defuse the situation, but was stabbed in the lower back by Turner, causing a six-inch wound.

Finding the knife’s results unsatisfactory, Turner returned to the house and emerged with a gun, which he used to shoot his girlfriend, once again between Turner and her son, five times in the leg. 

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Ricocheting bullets struck the son’s girlfriend in the back and cheek, and the son was shot in the arm.

Shockingly, there was “possible drug activity at the residence,” and investigators took a smoking device, “three green plants,” and drug paraphernalia from the home, among other items.

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An agitated, yelling Turner was arrested by police and has been charged with felony malicious wounding, use of a firearm in the commission of a felony, and possession of a firearm by a felon.

Thankfully, nobody was killed because of this loon’s ridiculous actions, but at least all this senseless violence has finally settled the Ford vs. Chevy debate.

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The verdict? AMC is the best.

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About the author

Jason Torchinsky

Senior Editor, Jalopnik • Running: 1973 VW Beetle, 2006 Scion xB, 1990 Nissan Pao, 1991 Yugo GV Plus • Not-so-running: 1973 Reliant Scimitar, 1977 Dodge Tioga RV (also, buy my book!)