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For $49,995, Would You Drive Dennis Rodman’s Custom 1996 Hummer H1?

Illustration for article titled For $49,995, Would You Drive Dennis Rodman’s Custom 1996 Hummer H1?em/em
Nice Price Or No DiceIs this used car a good deal? You decide!

There is probably no more flamboyant a sports figure than retired NBA player Dennis Rodman, and an object lesson in his extroverted lifestyle can be found in today’s Nice Price or Crack Pipe Hummer. Let’s find out if this custom H1's price might also be something to get pumped up about.

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There wasn’t much excitement over the asking price of yesterday’s custom 1973 VW 181 with its Wankel power. Or I should say, its rumored Wankel power, as there was much grumbling about the utter lack of any engine shots presented in the ad. You know, one day I’m going to give a class in how to properly write an effective car ad. That Thing went down in an 80% Crack Pipe loss, so maybe that seller could be my first apprentice?

Have you ever heard of the radio personality Dr. Demento? He used to do a weekly radio show here in L.A. where he featured comical novelty songs. Weird Al got his start on Dr. Demento’s show. Well, one of the songs that Dr. Demento would frequently play was Boobs A Lot by the Holy Modal Rounders (this is very NSFW so CRANK IT UP!)

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Illustration for article titled For $49,995, Would You Drive Dennis Rodman’s Custom 1996 Hummer H1?em/em

I was reminded of that song when looking over this custom 1996 Hummer H1 because it’s freaking covered in boobs. I mean, it has so many naked women painted on it—over a background of faux urban asphalt— that I think it would work as an effective repellent to actual live women. Yep, you would be guaranteed to be cootie-free driving this.

Of course that was never a problem for the original commissioner of this art car, Dennis Rodman. No, his problem was airport metal detectors. Rodman, the former basketball player, wrestler, actor, and North Korea visitor once actually drove this. Seriously, it’s got 23,000 miles on it and he added some of those, and in broad daylight too if past pictures are to be believed.

Illustration for article titled For $49,995, Would You Drive Dennis Rodman’s Custom 1996 Hummer H1?em/em
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We’ve seen this truck on Truck Yeah a while ago, back when it was up for auction on eBay. Now it’s available at a set price from a dealer in… wait for it, Florida. Ah, Florida, you never fail to deliver.

The three-and a half ton hardtop has a few other custom bits in addition to the Boobathon murals. Those include an amber light bar on top—just like on a tow truck— and extra lights up front on the titty bull bar.

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Illustration for article titled For $49,995, Would You Drive Dennis Rodman’s Custom 1996 Hummer H1?em/em

You also get a roof-mounted spotlight, I guess so you can find real boobs at night, and some big speakers inside because the H1’s cabin was too roomy and obviously needed some accouterments to make it feel more cozy and inviting.

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Illustration for article titled For $49,995, Would You Drive Dennis Rodman’s Custom 1996 Hummer H1?em/em

Powering the AWD beast is a 6.5-litre Detroit Diesel turbocharged V8 which sends its unstoppable ooze of torque through a GM 4L80E four-speed automatic. The truck comes with more ground clearance than a Southwest flight, inboard disc brakes, and a central tire inflation system (CTIS) to keep the jam pumped up when on road, or appropriately soft when off.

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The interior looks tame compared to the custom exterior, and there’s no apparent sign of Rodman’s exploits in there. Still, it would probably be a good idea to bring a blacklight to the test drive just to be safe.

Illustration for article titled For $49,995, Would You Drive Dennis Rodman’s Custom 1996 Hummer H1?em/em
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The price is $49,995 which seems in the range of what H1 Hummers go for today. The question for you is whether that celebrity connection adds or subtracts from its value. After all, Rodman may eventually get thrown in prison on one of his trips to visit Short Round in North Korea and that might make him relevant again.

You decide!

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JAX Exports out of Jacksonville FL, or go here if the ad disappears.

H/T to thompsonj02 for the hookup!

Help me out with NPOCP. Click here to send a me a fixed-price tip, and remember to include your Kinja handle.

Rob Emslie is a contributing writer for Jalopnik. He has too many cars, and not enough time to work on them all.

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DISCUSSION

mjensenwv
move-over-peasant-I-have-an-M5-in-the-shop

We have sexual harassment training today, I should ask if it would be considered harassment to drive this to work.