Fast And Furious 6 Is No Longer A Car Movie

Screw cars, this next chapter Fast and Furious is all about muscle. You've got Vin Diesel's muscles, you've got Dwayne Johnson's muscles, and even Michelle Rodriguez comes back from the dead to show you how to hurt others. At least she's got a Jensen Interceptor. Also, it turns out Spain has the world's longest landing strip.

I was prepared when I entered the cinema for Fast And Furious 6. I watched Fast Five again yesterday to refresh my memory. That movie was pretty ridiculous, wasn't it? Going through (and I mean through) Rio de Janeiro with a giant safe dragged by two Dodge Chargers? It wasn't about how many times Vin Diesel can change gears anymore. They moved on. There was no race. To be honest, Fast Five wasn't really a car movie either, it was more an impossible heist movie sponsored by Chrysler.


So, with the same cast, writer and director, what did I expect from the next episode? Exactly what I got. Oh, actually, not quite. I was expecting a bit more of the woman-leaning-over-a-car imagery that we've all gotten used to from this genre, but this is all you'll get:

This film series has rarely been about the love between a man and a woman and more about the love between dudes. Dudes who work out a lot. Tough dudes like Vin Diesel, who ended the last movie wearing white pants with a white tank top like an extra in a '90s Puff Daddy video.

Speaking of tough dudes who begrudgingly love one another... Dwayne Johnson returns in the sixth installment as well as Special Ops boss Hobbs, more hardcore man-on-man action is guaranteed, despite the director's best intentions to make the two look very manly together (you need better lines to achieve that).


Whatever. Let's see the story, without too many spoilers:

(If you don't want to know, this is your chance to skip two paragraphs!)

The team is enjoying the stolen money all over the world, but can't return to the US since they are all wanted criminals. There's a bad guy making quite a bit of truble for Dwayne Johnson. This is the bad guy. He is indeed a very sinister looking chap:


Normally, he wouldn't call Vin Diesel, but since Michelle Rodrigues pulls a Dallas (amnesia instead of a season-long dream), he knows Vin Diesel can't resist. Vin Diesel knows everybody's number, so the team gets back together immediately, even if Paul Walker just had a son and he should sit on his ass at home.

(It's safe from here!)

This isn't to say the film has no cars in it. Quite the opposite. There are cars everywhere. Naturally, when the main pair is shown, there is always some sort of Skyline and Charger action involved including all generations, and yes, Vin Diesel keeps changing gear with the automatics as well. For more power, obviously.


You know the cars. You know they also built awesome "flip cars". You know they use those, and that's a good thing. You even know when the next episode will strike, with Jason Statham bringing more dudely muscle into the picture. So, what else?


Actually, there is something else worth noting. It's a new drinking game for the sixth film that reveals the other subject this film is about: family.


The rules are almost as simple as building a ten-second Eclipse:

Step 1: Start the movie.

Step 2: Drink every time Dom Toretto says 'family'.

Step 3: Forget driving for the next 48 hours.

I'm thinking, what else could you possible need to know about this movie. Oh, hang on! Here's Gal Gadot with an Mk1 Escort in the background from the London premier. Take a good look at her:


You're very welcome.

Fast and Furious 6 is not a car movie. It was turned into a combat action picture with some petrol thrown in for good measure (and explosions). The criminal 'family' and the unstoppable police officer unite for the greater good. I'm sure you've seen this before.


The lines are worse than a late Van Damme creation, it's cheesy and the storyline rapes your logic with an homage to the weird timing of Tokyo Drift, but you won't be bored.

I guess that's the whole idea.

(Photo credit: Universal Pictures and Getty Images)

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