Chrysler pretty much invented the concept of the minivan with the 1984 Chrysler Town and Country and the Plymouth Voyager. To show the world what they had wrought, Chrysler hired a Canadian magician/warlock/wizard named Doug Henning to advertise the van.

Someone must have given Lee Iacocca access to the Necronomicon again because this wizard just shows up and starts zappin’ things with his magic powers. He straight up throws an aging spell towards two kids and a dog. No one is stopping him. I want my kids back, the poor saps must have screamed.

He also transforms a Chevy Caprice into a tiny Japanese sedan while rambling about today’s car sizes. I’m somewhat sure that’s illegal.

When will his magic reign of terror end?

Next, using his other worldly powers of conjuration, a Chrysler S-platform materializes with two people and some cargo onboard. Who are these people and do they know what’s happening? Just before I could figure out why a modified K-car just warped into existence, that damn wizard turns a bunch of luggage into a small child.

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After violating the laws of physics, space and time, Chrysler’s own dark warlock imprisons a family inside the shell of a Plymouth Voyager. In a vain attempt to escape, the now trapped family starts parallel parking while the wizard mocks them with the lofty fuel economy stats of their new wood-grained prison.

Just when I thought this magician’s stunt was over, he starts levitating above the Voyager and releases the family from their magic prison. Was he trying to teach us a lesson. How do we prevent this? This Plymouth Voyager seems to be the source of his power. The wizards game ends with a warning about the unearthly properties of Chrysler’s newest van.

Stuff today just isn’t this interesting.