Everything About This Bentley Flying Spur Theft Is Kind Of Hilarious [UPDATED]

Let’s get it out of the way right now: Stealing cars is absolutely not cool. But when the thief is particularly bad at their craft, it can be kind of hilarious.

Let’s start with our suspect, who allegedly took off with the keys to a Bentley Flying Spur on Monday after telling the fine folks at Dream Luxury Car Rentals in Southfield, MI, that he wanted to buy it. (I always rep an off-brand Pistons t-shirt when doing my luxury car shopping.) Despite having a mask hanging off his chin, which could potentially obscure his identity as he wandered off with the keys to a nearly quarter million dollar car, he kept it off, allowing the whole world and authorities get a good look at his mug.

Updated Thursday March 25, 2021 7:50 a.m. EST The Bentley was found in a covered parking spot in an apartment complex on Eight Mile Road, WDIV reports. Not exactly stealthy. The suspect was spotted driving a white Ford Escape, which did not help him actually escape. He was nabbed by police and is expected to be arraigned Thursday. The Flying Spur has been returned to its original owner.

The suspect returned the next day and was again caught on security camera taking off in the Bentley, presumably using the keys he swiped the day before. WDIV 4 in Detroit has the report, which I suggest you watch in full.

At some point, our local news station got itself a British reporter and it is endlessly funny to me to hear that clipped accent saying “...a man with a luxury taste in motor cars...” which is of course what expensive cars are usually called here in Detroit. It’s like we have our own Top Gear presenter! Tim Pamplin, never leave us, you really class up Metro Detroit.

The other thing about stealing a Bentley Flying Spur in the Detroit area is that everyone is going to notice. In my own experience, driving even a slightly unusual non-American car will elicit questions and comments from people walking down the street, in parking lots and sitting in traffic. Metro Detroiters just notice car makes and models a lot more than folks anywhere else, for obvious reasons.

Southfield police are still on the hunt for this suspect. If he’s smart (which we’ve established, is a questionable assumption) he’s already done a reverse-Detroit and rebadged this Flying Spur as a Chrysler 300 by now.