Sometimes, the collection of interconnected smart-fridges and fax machines we call “the internet” produces something really spectacular, and I think this is one of those times. There’s a car dealership in Iowa selling some really rusted-out shitboxes. That’s not the spectacular part. The spectacular part is the wonderful photos they take to sell these sad, beaten rides.
This first example came to us via our very good friends and sometime fierce, disgusted detractors over at Reddit’s r/Cars forum. They’re selling a 1994 Geo Prizm, and it’s a particularly miserable example—a rust-pocked, dented, filthy, beaten brute that looks like it just wants to be left to die.
That’s why seeing it glorified on that shiny turntable, in that white room, with the professional lighting is such a joy. This is why people bother to learn the word “juxtaposition,” and it’s worth it.
Did someone wash this thing before driving it into the studio? I think so! The parts that still have paint on them are sort of shiny! Every little detail just makes this better and better: the gas flap that won’t close, the missing front corner lamp, the sad, scuffed, filthy interior, the brown lace of rust that rims the wheelarches—it’s all here, presented in well-lit glory.
They’re asking $1,200 for this shitbox, too! For that money, they better include some framed prints of these photos, so you can appreciate your Geo even while lounging in your home’s billiard room.
They also have a 1996 Oldsmobile Ciera that, while less rusty, is pleasingly shitty as well. It’s a stupid $1,997, revealing a bold a-touch-over-a-dollar-a-year pricing model.
If that’s not quite what you want, there’s also a crappy Malibu:
I really have to admire the people over at Hosmer Cars of Mason City, Iowa, for their willingness to not discriminate about what gets its picture taken in the fancy studio. Everything gets a shot, no matter how miserable, and I absolutely love that.
Still, do not pay $1,200 for that Geo.