You know how you sometimes will have an idea that would be really fantastic for getting something done, but is also just an absolutely horrible idea in every other way? Kind of like calling in a bomb threat so your favorite deli doesn’t run out of whitefish salad before you get to order, or something. It seems a Mustang owner in Queens had one of these ideas when he falsely claimed that a seven-year-old special needs child was trapped in his stolen car. Police did find his car quickly, because they treated it as a kidnapping, but since the kid was, well, fictional, the Mustang’s owner is in some trouble himself.
James Reyes, the 32-year-old owner of the kinda-shitty 2005-2009 Mustang convertible called in the car as stolen from 202nd Street in Queens on Halloween night. When giving the report, the owner said that a seven-year-old special needs child was in the car, which caused police to treat the situation as a kidnapping instead of just someone’s crappy Mustang getting stolen, and as a result they employed a vast amount of resources and manpower.
“They blocked off from 100 to 104th avenues, searched all the yards, helicopters flying, looking for this child, then come to find out this morning there was no child.”
There were helicopters involved here. For a Mustang with a trunk lid that looks like this:
Okay, it’s possible, even likely, that damage happened when police may have pried open the trunk looking for a terrified, fictional child, but, hey, that’s what you get.
The detail about the owner reporting that it was a “special needs” child is what really gets me, like he maybe didn’t think a child without special needs would be enough motivation to get the police really looking for his car. Dude really committed to this shitty idea.
Within about four hours, the car was found, along with the 17-year-old car-purloiner, who didn’t have any idea that there was a fictional special needs child not there in the car with him.
Reyes is being charged with filing a false police report, and will likely need to pay a fine, though that fine is unlikely going to cover the cost of the top-tier, no-expense spared, and falsely inspired search for his car.
I mean, on one level, yeah, his plan did work—his car was found incredibly quickly—but it’s a staggeringly selfish and dickhead thing to do. Plus, his car is still in police impound, and I’m going to guess nobody is especially eager to return the red Mustang to Reyes.