Hot Crime Tip: Driving In A Filthy, Doorless Lincoln With An Axe In The Roof Not Such A Hot Idea

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This is just one of those subtle things that you can only learn from a lifetime of committing crimes, but as a good rule of thumb for if you want to get away with doing something illegal, you should probably avoid driving filthy, door-poor Lincolns with an axe wedged in the roof. Those tend to attract cops, as a very high guy in New York state discovered.


Well, allegedly high, I should say, since all I have to go on is that 21-year-old Jared T. Price “performed poorly on field sobriety testing” according to the Wyoming County Sheriff’s department, and that he was driving this 1990-1994 Lincoln Town Car in the condition you see there.

Did I mention there’s no windshield, either? Or license plates, but I bet you already guessed that part. Price was charged with, according to the Wyoming County Free Press:

Driving While Ability Impaired by Drugs, Driving While Ability Impaired by the Combined Influence of Drugs, No License Plates, Unregistered Motor Vehicle, Uninspected Motor Vehicle, Operating Without Insurance, No Front Windshield, and No Safety Glass.


... which is good to know, because that seems to imply that driving around with an axe wedged into your roof is totally legal!

Hot damn! I got some brand-new roof axes I can’t wait to try out!

(Thanks, Jacob!)