This feels like something from a William Gibson cyberpunk dystopia novel, where the government has become so weak and useless, private corporations have been taking over the basic upkeep of the nation. But it’s not a William Gibson novel, there’s no plucky protagonist with some sort of cybernetic implant, it’s just America in 2018, with crumbling roads that Domino’s has decided to fix. For the sake of the pizzas.
Domino’s is tired of their innocent pizzas, who only wish to serve humankind, being beaten all to hell by poorly-maintained roads. They even have a website that shows, in graphic, pizza-box-cam detail, what brutal hell pizzas are put through when their delivery vehicle impacts a pothole.
It’s not pretty.
To remedy this, Domino’s has been hiring work crews to repair potholes in a number of cities, including Burbank, California (five holes fixed), Bartonville, Texas (eight holes), an impressive 40 holes fixed in Milford, Delaware, and an astounding 150 potholes filled in Athens, Georgia.
It’s not entirely altruistic, of course. Domino’s tags every filled pothole with their logo and the tagline “OH YES WE DID.”
Also, remember, this is for the sake of pizza structural integrity, not your comfort.
The city manager of Milford said of the project:
“FACING AN ALREADY HARSHER WINTER THAN USUAL FOR DELAWARE, THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO GET ADDITIONAL MONEY TO STRETCH OUR CITY’S LIMITED RESOURCES.”
... a statement that says more about the sad state of our road infrastructure and our willingness to take care of it than anything about pizza.
Still, a former pothole bearing the Domino’s logo is better than a big, gaping pothole, so I’m not going to complain too much. I guess if we’re okay with this, then the eventual new Tampax-badged guy wires on our suspension bridges or a new, shiny Miralax-emblazoned sewage-treatment plant shouldn’t be a big deal, either.