Bored with your cushy, overpowered luxury sedan? Do modern "dynamic" designs fail to live up to your expectations of dynamism? Have you grown weary of the endless hordes of dull, anonymous, unoriginal cars you see everywhere? That's because the wrong people are running car companies. These kids should be the ones doing it.
See, Toyota runs this contest where they ask kids up to age 15 to design their dream cars. The contest asked them to develop cars that make the world a cleaner, safer place. What these kids have actually done is make the world a more AWESOME place.
When Toyota released the winning entries from the United Kingdom, I scanned through them only to find some of the best and most exciting ideas I've seen for cars since, well... since I was a kid, drawing crazy cars like them. These designs are better than any concept car that's come along in years.
The winners received Apple products, a goody bag and a certificate, and their work will go forward to a global contest. They're also about to win infinite Jalopnik glory because their ideas are so great that I had to share them with you all. Sit back and enjoy the future that needs to happen.
The Garden Car
It's a car with a garden inside! It generates oxygen makes traffic jams beautiful! Already you have an interior more interesting than the last real car I was in. Also, I love the idea of being able to lob that beehive at the next driver who runs a red in front of me.
I bet an HVAC full of bees will teach you some road manners, jerkface.
The Dinosaur Firework Car
Three words: DINOSAUR. FIREWORK. CAR. You got nothing, Cadillac. Go home.
Forcefield All-Weather Flying Car
We could sit here all day long and argue whether or not a flying car is a good idea (it isn't) but I think we can all agree it's an AWESOME idea. And Haseen's design is actually pretty forward-thinking. Look at how fast safety technology is advancing — how soon until we have some crazy Iron Man-style forcefield around our cars? That might just be the real deal by the time Haseen is driving. Way to call it, amigo.
He even says it's "very light so it can go super fast." Do me a favor, Haseen: Google a guy named Colin Chapman. Maybe one day you'll follow in his footsteps.
Also, this one comes with a friendly robot to help you with your shopping. SOLD.
"It's fast, it's stunning, it's Toyota!" Well, this Toyota is. I actually love the idea of the jigsaw body panels that are easy to replace and fix. Why haven't modular bodies caught on by now? Great color scheme, too.
The Dude Machine
This is the greatest thing I have ever seen. Ever.
It's called "The Dude Machine," and it's the van from The A-Team fighting aliens. There's lasers and electric guitars and a neon disco ball. I'll say that again: THE A-TEAM VAN, FIGHTING ALIENS.
Every time I look at this I cry tears of joy. It's perfect.
It's a car that can fly, drive and go underwater, all while emitting harmless rainbows. I like it because it looks like a cross between a Cayman, an FR-S and a Maserati GranTurismo.
Yes, I would like a hybrid of those three cars that shoots rainbows everywhere and is also a plane and a submarine, thank you very much. Shut up and take my money, etc.
You've heard of the Nissan Cube, now check out the Multi Cube! This one's better. Why should my car only be used for driving? Why can't it be feeding me hot soup, toffee, banana smoothies, hot chocolate, lemonade and fresh cookies all the time?
Congrats, Laura. Not only have you convinced me of all the things my car is lacking that it could have, you've also made me hungry.
Toyota Martian All-Terrain Mars Car
Here's a really great one. It's the first-ever All-Terrain Mars Car. You think your Porsche or Hellcat or XT6 is so awesome? Try driving it on Mars. Oh wait, YOU CAN'T BECAUSE IT ISN'T THIS.
Features include solar panels, seating for 36 people, and three floors of living space. Plus, it totally looks up to the task of exploring other planets. 10/10, would autocross. On Mars.
That's actually not a car at all, it's just a giant flaming phoenix with the Toyota logo on it. You know what? I'm not even mad. That's amazing. It looks awesome.
I want to ride around on the back of a phoenix that goes around demolishing global warming. That beats the heck out of a normal commute.
Great stuff. I hope these kids always keep their imaginations. If they do, the future will be in good shape. It's gonna be on them to pick up the slack for the members of my generation, many of whom seem to think "Vine artist" is a viable career path.
We gotta do better, Millennials! These kids are gonna eat us for lunch in 20 years!