It wasn’t easy, but after decades of intense research and development, a dedicated Craigslist designer and engineer has managed to take a Ford Aspire and make it decidedly non-boring. The revolutionary method used to achieve this goal was based on the scientific principle known as “make it terrifying.”

The Aspire was one of the Kia-built Fords (Kia called it the Avella) and was sold here from 1993-1997. It was a tepid and boring cheap little car that had all the looks and style of a bar of soap about a week and a half away from disappearing into a thin film of bathtub scum.

But take that anemic little suppository and replace the back half of it with a Honda v65 1100 motorcycle and throw a cage that looks like a jungle gym over the whole thing and wham, suddenly we have something to be reckoned with.

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I reached out to the poster of the ad, but have yet to receive a response, so we’ll just have to go with the ad’s meager text to get a sense of why this beast was birthed in the first place:

“Old guy that built it wanted something different, it is.”

Hard to argue with that. Old Guy set out to do something, and, dammit, Old Guy did it.

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It’s clear some thought has been put into the design of the thing. The Aspire front end is where you and a very, very lucky passenger sit, while the old seat area of the motorcycle has been thoughtfully converted into a useful-looking trunk. This thing is a practical transportation solution.

The radiator has been mounted overhead on the roll cage, right over the seats, which gives you the benefit of an early warning system to find out if you have any radiator hose leaks. When your hoses leak, you’re treated to a scalding-hot coolant shower, so you’ll know there’s a problem immediately.

The steering wheel position is a little confusing, since it appears to be horizontal, like a bus, but I’m sure there’s a good reason for that.

The ad goes on to say

“Everything seems to work. Be different at shows. $850. Needs battery.”

$850 plus a battery for something that seems to work and lets you be different at shows? Sounds like a steal to me.

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This seems like the ideal vehicle to really make an impression on people you just meet, to really let them know who you are, and the bold life you lead.

If/when you buy this, I think the smartest thing to do would be to immediately set up a date/business meeting/job interview/adoption-suitability review and offer to drive. When you stop to pick up the person you’re meeting with, really take a moment and study their reaction as you sit there, in that Aspire seat, revving the motor on that motorcyle-half.

You’ll know everything you need to know, right then.