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Craigslist Ads From The Future: Tesla Model 3

Illustration for article titled Craigslist Ads From The Future: Tesla Model 3

Recently, on the advice of someone online who claimed to be a doctor (I later found out it was a nine-year-old and a dog, working together) I attempted to microwave an elixir made from Propecia, Red Bull, and mildly used cat litter. Lacking cover to prevent boil-over, I used an old Hayes 300 baud modem I had laying around and placed it atop the stainless steel cup. The resulting explosion, while painful, had one remarkable side effect: I can now access Craigslist ads from the future.


I think the year I’m getting the data from is around 2030 or so. I tried going to other future websites, but the modem is only 300 baud, and Craigslist seems to be the only website that has still stuck to an incredibly minimal interface, so Craigslist is all I can really get.

Even so, it’s fascinating. Check out this ad I found for a 2017 Tesla Model 3:

Illustration for article titled Craigslist Ads From The Future: Tesla Model 3

There’s a lot of interesting things in the ad, not the least of which is the location, some sort of commune that sprung up in Redwood City. Here’s the copy from the ad:

Looking to sell my 2017 Tesla Model 3. collectible first-year model without the 2021 always-on GPS tracking and broadcast—no need to pay the Tesla Location Hiding Fees!

Car runs and drives OK but sometimes the motor gets hot and you have to park for a while. aslo center screen does not come on because the whole thing got bricked when Elon went to mars after they forced him out and he sent out his virus thing. Never got New Tesla update, just used the TM3 hack system so screen doesn’t work but i have velcro on it for your phone running the tm3 app.

The hack can only get 80 miles out of the battery but they say they’ll have an update to unlock like 120 miles by next summer/

All the doors leak and the frrunk never seems to lock but that’s like what all Model 3s have. Car has 1 Tweel but normal tires on other 3.

Holy crap. First, it looks like CL sellers still take shitty pictures and don’t exactly write well. I’m not sure if speculating on any of the other events hinted there is safe to do, timeline-wise, so I’ll just let you come to your own conclusions.

I’m still sort of in shock. Only one tweel?

Senior Editor, Jalopnik • Running: 1973 VW Beetle, 2006 Scion xB, 1990 Nissan Pao, 1991 Yugo GV Plus, 2020 Changli EV • Not-so-running: 1977 Dodge Tioga RV (also, buy my book!:

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