Craigslist Ads From The Future: Feral Autonomous Cars For Sale

I recently traded a friend of mine I met on the Dark Web some very rare vintage erotic lenticular pictures of Tyne Daly from her Cagney and Lacey era for a cordless drill with a battery that never needs recharging. I was having trouble getting it to work, so I opened up the battery and found a tiny quantum singularity, connected by two wires to the contacts. I accidentally dropped my phone on it, so now my phone keeps getting Craigslist pages from the early 2040s. I thought I may as well share one of these with you.


This one is interesting, since we’re still not quite in the era of autonomous vehicles, but there’s developments happening every day. Here’s an telling snapshot of where this may end up:

I can’t ever seem to pick what CL post comes to my phone, or from where, but this one looks to be from around Phoenix, Arizona. Or what used to be Phoenix, as they refer to the “New Phoenix Favela,” a string of words that makes me very uneasy.

Here’s the copy of the ad, if the screenshot is hard to read:

I run the biggest ranch for collection and rehab of self-drivers in AZ. Over 60 captured rogue self-drivrs on Property—IT IS ALL TOTALY LEGAL!!! AZ law from 2029 allows ownership of off-net self-drivers to go to licensed captors and I have license since 2031. YOU CAN NOT GET YOUR CAR BACK IF I CAUGHT IT SO DO NOT ASK

In ranch now I have 2032 Chrysler limo just needs minor bodywork and to be re-conditioned so it takes orders from people again. Now it won’t but it probably won’t try to kill anyone again because I re-flashed the Ethics Unit with latest OpenEthix update.

Two Tesla Model H wagons on property will take destination but stop every 4 miles to ask again because of selfdout virus.

One ford freeflex suv that won’t drive by dogs also in good shape MAKE OFFER IN PERSON NO TELEPRESENCE BOTS


Wow. I mean, if we’re going to be developing more and more sophisticated artificial intelligence algorithms, it shouldn’t be too surprising that this sort of thing may happen.


I also wonder if that 2029 law the ranch owner mentions provides for some kind of grace period? Can you hire people to wrangle your rogue autonomous car back before one of these guys gets it? Are you responsible if it hurts someone?

Really, this just brings up more questions than it answers. And would it have killed the poster to include some ballpark price? I have no idea what a lowball offer would even be here.


At least they know what they’ve got, though.

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About the author

Jason Torchinsky

Senior Editor, Jalopnik • Running: 1973 VW Beetle, 2006 Scion xB, 1990 Nissan Pao, 1991 Yugo GV Plus • Not-so-running: 1973 Reliant Scimitar, 1977 Dodge Tioga RV (also, buy my book!)