COTD: Messin' with the oldies edition

It's nice to visit museums, but none of us lives in one. Even for those things we want to preserve in a perfect state of past grace, we have to acknowledge the passing of time through work. It could be by matching color codes and stitching patterns so that the possession seems free from time's march, even to an unnatural pose. But some let modern life wash over their antiques to create vehicles that can surpass their original copies. I'm not saying a stanced Porsche 356 is for everyone, but there are ways to combine the best of the past and future, like JT_3K's advice to BMW from today's Morning Shift:

An open message to BMW from someone who loves you and can be honest with you.

——————

STOP. ADDING. POINTLESS. CARS. TO. YOUR. RANGE.

PLEASE. Dear god.

If I want a small entry level RWD car I'll take a 1 Series.
A 3 Series is bigger with the model year bloat (not complaining).
A 5 series is bigger still and great if you have kids.
A 7 Series variant should be good if you're an exec/an exec with kids/an exec with tall friends (L)/an exec being driven (L)/a VIP (L)/a dictator (bulletproof, and L).
A 6 series shows you have no kids but plenty of money from drugs/retirement.
An X5 is your attempt at an SUV crossover.
An X3 is a cheaper and smaller X5 (not sure if want - but understand).
A Z4 is your 'Sports car'

Meanwhile an X6 is an abomination and should be taken outside and shot at dawn. An X1 (or X3 - nobody cares which) should be killed with fire. A 2 Series? Why? And if the answer is "Why not?" then GTFO. Now. Same with the X4. And don't even get me STARTED on the 'hit-every-ugly-tree-branch-on-the-way-down' 5 Series GT.

Please spend time working on the aesthetics INSIDE your cars rather than allowing a repeat of whatever the hell happened to the inside of the Chris Bangle cars. I actually recently CHOSE a last in line E46 because I hated the E9x interior so much. And I'm not alone. Also, work on keeping the driving experience going. My adaptive throttle and CDV are a pain in the ass. Why can't I just put my foot down and get a proper linear response from my accelerator or clutch? And why do I have to pay $600 for a new Navigation disc and firmware update (fitted) on what was a $3000 option?

Bring me a 328 rather than a Z4, make the Vision Concept so I can BUY it and launch another M1 (not the 1M). Bugatti made no money on the Veyron and VW made fiery-death mistakes on the Phaeton but everyone respects that VAG (or whatever they're called this week) did it and the world is a better place for it.

Come on, we love the fact that there's an M-range and the crazy-ass CSL. We love the wagons. We love the RWD. We love the reliability and the build quality and the thought that goes into each car. I adore I can fix/service my E46 myself and that I get 0-60 in seven seconds AND that noise AND 40 mpg (Euro) from a 3.0L straight six. We love that you experiment like the doors in the Z1, the E34 cabriolet and project Goldfish. We love that you don't mind people pissing about reverse engineering DMEs to play with the M70, and fitting BMW V8s to E30 as a legitimate business.

Please don't jump the shark. We're not ready for you to go yet. And nobody who actually drives really wants an Audi or a Mercedes Benz (obvious 'special model' and some vintage exceptions excluded). You still have time, it's not too late.

Please?

Advertisement

Share This Story

Get our newsletter