Illustration for article titled COTD: Human Evolution Edition
Graphic: Jason Torchinsky
Comment Of The DayYour good comments.

For the sake of brevity, I’m going to assume you’re all familiar with Professor Torchinsky’s infamous Homunculous Theory of Physiology as it relates to Pixar’s Cars universe. You’re not? Okay, well, here’s a refresher.

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As you can see, it explains how humans evolved to permanently reside inside a self-propelled four-wheeled carapace. The Cars universe isn’t an alternate universe with intelligent anthropomorphized automobiles. The Cars universe is the universe we’re currently living in, thousands of years in the future. We are the cars.

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Illustration for article titled COTD: Human Evolution Edition

See. It makes perfect sense. Pixar must have employed a true seer in order to influence its intellectual properties. These animated films are simply a glimpse of humanity’s own future, influenced by its own past.

Okay, but how do you explain the transition from bipedal humans to four-wheeled motion apparatuses? I get how we transitioned from Homo Habilis, but how do we get from Homo Sapien to Homo Automobilis? Commenter Vlachen has an idea below. It all began with the coronavirus outbreak of 2020.

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It’s happening! Well done, Vlachen. For connecting the dots and giving us a path from now to our Cars-based future, you win today’s COTD crown. It’s been so long since I’ve seen a comment worthy of immortalizing, but this one takes the fucking cake. Excellent work, my friend.

For your efforts, please enjoy this terrible song from 1975 Queen. It was written entirely by the band’s drummer, Roger Taylor. He felt so strongly that it belonged on the band’s first record that he locked himself in a cupboard until Freddie Mercury allowed it to be on the B-side of 1975's A Night At The Opera. Mercury refused to record the vocals. “Gotta feel for my automobile” indeed.

Jalopnik contributor with a love for everything sketchy and eclectic.

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