COTD: Gong Show Edition

Because some days are just more fecund than others, today's commenter of the day arrives Gong Show style. In third place, Steve_in_NC with his one-liner on the most patriotic pickup truck photo in the history of man:

That truck right there is worth maybe 4,500 if you fill the engine with sodium silicate.

Second goes to BobbyKnightChairToss, who had the right idea sparked by a BMW X6 covered in black leather:

Don't worry. The car has a safe word. If you say "fuel pump", the car shuts right off.

And the winner of the big prize is Mazarin, who turns back the clock for a little split personality routine upon the 1967 half-restored Toronado:

It's like if Robin Williams were to restore a car:

Hello, come with me into my garage. I've got a '67 Toranado. *CREEEEAK* I was thinking of restoring it no wait... I could just leave it alone! But that would be a waste of a fine automobile do I darest leave this jewel unpolished? Let's see what the enviromentalist says! *opens door to frothing, drooling, and maniacal beast* YEAAGH CRUSH IT! MAKE IT INTO DIET COKE CANS! *slams door and leans up against it* Perhaps there is a better answer for this? What about only doing half of it? Yes that way I can have my cake and get the milk for free! *scans audience*. . . MAYDAY! MAYDAY! THEY'RE NOT BYUING IT! Release the enviromentalist! *door swings open* SNARRRGG FILL THE INTAKE WITH SAND! STORE IT IN A BASEBALFIELD IN OHIO! *slams door*

FUCK YOU! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME ANYWAY!?

Chuck Barris approves.