COTD: A ride on a Raptor edition

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If you're from a certain part of the Detroit-Toledo-Cleveland axis, the words "Cedar Point" mean more than a possible name for a subdivision. It's the place to go for a new and insane roller coaster every year or so, which the Raptor was back in its not-distant heyday. Speaking of Raptors, PhilaDLJ imagined what a Ford Raptor might be like if it had the instincts of its namesake:

Try to imagine yourself in the Cretaceous Period.

You'd get your first look at this..."eighteen-foot turkey" as you move into a clearing. But Raptor, he knew you were there a long time ago. He moves lightly, bobbing his Fox internal bypass shocks, And you keep still, because you think maybe his visual acuity's based on movement, like a Volvo XC60 equipped with City Safety, and he'll stop before he hits you.

But no. Not the Raptor. You stare at him, and he just stares back...with his front grille-mounted camera. That's when the attack comes - not from the front, no, from the side, from the other two Raptors you didn't even know were there...because there's no Diesel rattle to give them away.

Velociraptor's a dedicated off-roader, you see, he uses a Torsen front differential, and he's out in force today. And he runs you down with these - 35" all-terrain tires, on all for corners. They don't bother to bite the jugular, like a lion, they just flatten you, here, or here...or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines.

'Point is, there's a learning curve to the Raptor. So, you know, try to show a little respect: do reconnaissance runs, and build speed slowly. You wouldn't want to end up with a bent frame.