Commenter Of The Day: Top That Edition

We may earn a commission from links on this page.

The film Teen Witch isn't notable for much, other than being a poorly reworked version of the more popular film Teen Wolf. Yet it does contain one moment of brilliance when one of the characters is encouraged by the magical powers of the eponymous witch to a rap battle with the song "Top That," which commenter TroyQueef did today in the Porsche Cajun post. He topped it, and none of you topped him.

Last night, I had a dream. And by dream, I mean nightmare.

It was a strange plot, and I will try to retell it, if I have the mental strength to do it.

A bunch of guys were sitting in a bar, playing cards.
There was Ferdinand from Stuttgart in Germany, Enzo from Italy, and finally Colin and David from the UK. They had a really great time playing top trumps. They took their turns at winning in this game, each one using the features of their cars to their advantage:

Colin used the low weight of his simplified machines with added lightness.
Ferdinand, having eliminated the snap oversteer from his design, used the traction of his cars and focussed design to gain the lead.
David, the perfect gentleman, made cars of beauty, power and soul.
And finally, Enzo, the most passionate of the lot, made machines that resembled divas. Sometimes they catch fire.
Sometimes, they brake down. But they never, ever, leave a beholder untouched. And they would go from Zero to Bitch in under 4 seconds.
Just like a real diva.

Then, after a long time of playing, a new player entered the stage:
Clad in black, with a moustache and a red right hand.
He offered to fulfill any shareholder´s dream: Gigantic profits, market domination etc etc.
Of course, no one could resist this offer.

The only condition was that they had to play with cards HE would deal to them.
So he dealt the following cards:

Ferdinand, known for his technical genious and basically a sinlge-model lineup, was given a new card after the other:
First, a smaller sportscar, which was ok.
Then, he got an Suv card. Which was not ok. And a big saloon. NOT! OK! And another SUV. Very NOT OK.
So Ferdinand turned beige.

The next one who got his cards, was David. He was given the card of a microcar from the land of the rising sun.
This put so much grieve in David´s heart, that it turned into a chrystal, very much like the devices that replaced his keys. And David turned beige.

This left Colin and Enzo in the game.

Colin, like it was already said, loved lightness and simplicity, which resulted in supreme handling.
Instead, he was given one card: The bloat card. Needless to say what happened. Colin turned beige.

Finally, Enzo... Or red Enzo, as he was also called. And this did not indicate that he was a commie. No, red like in
love or passion. He was given the green card in the shape of the hybrid. And as you now, red light will not go through
a green filter. The wavelengths eliminate each other. But this was a dream, so red and green result in beige.

At this point I woke up, Realizing what you will probably all have realized by now:
The mysterious player was - of course - the prince of darkness, by which I mean Satan, not Lucas.

I also realized something else: My dream had become reality.

Now, at this point I would like to point out that I detest people who are going on all the time about how things used to be, and in the past everything was better.

I try to differentiate. Some things were surely better. Some were worse.

Unfortunately, it seems like the state of the automotive industry belongs to the latter category.