Commenter Of The Day: 99 Problems Edition

On of our favorite BS moments from last year's campaign was when Geraldine Ferraro accused then-Candidate Obama of sexism for brushing the "Dirt Off Your Shoulder" move made popular by Jay-Z and his song "Dirt Off Your Shoulder" in reference to Hillary Clinton's accusations. It was clearly a misunderstood moment because Geraldine probably has never listened to The Black Album. It was hilarious given the response was to trivial complaints. The new 2012 Ford Focus is nice, giving WRX-tyrannosaurusWRX less to complain about.

Dear Ford:

What happened?

This is very unlike you. For the last year or two you have released new vehicle after new vehicle, each one more impressive than the last. Your new hobby has you busting more segments than Taft busted trusts or Peter North busted nuts.

Your cars have gone from soggy-jellybean styled to crisp, edgy and damn-near fuckable. I see the new Fusions on the road and I want to mount their tail lights. I love how the old Crown Vic that sits in my driveway looks, not because it's sexy, but because it is so homely; the bulldog school of car design. But lately you're different. Its no longer a joke to say "damn, that 7 person people mover is hot." Its a Flex.

Design? A.
New Technologies? A+.

Ecoboost is the new language of balls to the wall engine technology. MyFord, while stupidly named, is the single coolest interior feature for a car I've ever heard of: it is literally the future of automobiles. Your new engines, from the new 6.7 diesel, to the asshole riping 5.0, and even down to the 2.0 Ecoboost four banger, are some of the most advanced and surprising mills of any automaker out there; more so than almost anything from Honda or BMW, the stalwarts of the engine world.

What happened? Did you grow tired of being the middle child in the Detroit family? Tired of living in the shadow of douchebag older brother, GM, who went to college didn't come back the same? Bored with competing with Chrysler, the reject stoner little brother that your parents spoiled too much? Not content with just making ambulances and cop cars? What was it?

As the other car makers of the world have turned tail and run from truly being impressive and innovative in the last year, you have grabbed the slack and humped the microcosm of the car world into submission. Where boring and mediocre have become the standard, you have pioneered—not merely content to be class-average.

I, a cynic of the modern world, raised by instant gratification and taught to regard all things with skepticism and a detached uncaring attitude, am impressed. I am persuaded. I am on your team.

Just don't fuck me over like Honda did.

Love,
Wrx

They'll give you something to complain about soon enough.