Colorado Sounds Terrible

A different bear, also in Colorado, also in a Subaru, trapped. GIF via the BBC

So, there I was, just scrolling through the internet, right? I see an interesting headline about some bear accidentally rolling a manual Subaru down a hill in Colorado, so I click it. Almost immediately, my eyes are drawn to this: “Two or three bears get stuck in cars each week in the area, officials say.”


Now, being a semi-southern-twangy Texan with often improper pronunciation of basic words, I cannot tell you whether Colorado is pronounced “Cah-lo-rad-oh” or “Cah-lo-rod-o.” But I can tell you I sure as hell don’t want to travel there and ask. Colora/odo sounds terrible.

The local Durango Herald reports that the most recent bear to break into a car and get accidentally stuck actually got the vehicle moving. The Herald reports that the bear somehow released the parking brake, which rolled the car out of the driveway, over some utility units and into a mailbox.

Here’s the lowdown on the bear situation in Colorado, from the BBC:

The black bears have been searching for food inside cars because their typical food supply was decimated by a late season frost, La Plata County Sheriff’s office spokesman Dan Bender told the BBC.

Some bears have even learned to open car door handles, Mr Bender said, but added that this is the “first time they attempted to drive off with the car”. ...

Local officials advise that people always remove food from their cars, and keep the doors locked.

The bear left the car’s owners with a steering wheel pulled completely off, the radio ripped out, the back window shattered and a fresh pile of poop, “likely because it was nervous,” the Herald reports. The BBC story has links to “more bear crime” and a video on “when a bear gets trapped in your car.”

Really, Colorado sounds great and not terrible at all. You should tell that to everyone you hate.

Staff writer, Jalopnik


Andrew P. Collins

False, Colorado is the best.