Cobb's AccessPort Vape Would Be The Perfect Gift For A Subaru Owner

Photo credit Cobb
Photo credit Cobb

April Fools’ products are often dumb and bad, but this year we saw several fakes that we desperately wish were real, like systems to get slow drivers out of the fucking left lane and racing helmets for cats. But Cobb Tuning outdid them all yesterday with something that would make a ton of money if it were real: an AccessPort vape.

Talk about knowing your audience! This would be the perfect gift for the special person in your life who enjoys talking about Subarus, tuning Subarus, talking about their tuned Subarus at the Subaru meet, talking shit to other Subaru owners on NASIOC, shitposting on Audi’s Instagram, and of course, vaping.


For just $9,999, the COBB VAP3 combines the company’s ECU reflashing AccessPort with the smoke its owners crave.

“Our patented Micro Nano Coil system allows for maximum wattage in a compact form factor. The MNC features CAN communication for error reporting when juice runs low and warns of impending battery death,” the company writes. “When connected to your vehicle’s OBD port the internal battery will be charged to maximum capacity in no more than 3 minutes! The 30000mAh capacity will last longer than the average Subaru ringland.”

It sounds incredible! Let’s check out some of the reviews:

Rippin this thing was the coolest experience of my life. The Stage 2 setting really boosted the PSI of the vapor and it makes the loudest WHHHAAAPSSHHHHHH sound I’ve ever heard. Can’t wait to get a VAPENATION sticker I can slap on my Rotas



i drive a mitsubishi evo and one puff of this insane vaping experiences and BAM! i walked outside and my evo became a 2015 wrx cvt. i recommend it to people who smoke, vape, dont smoke, do crack, new borns and ext.



Ive never had a vape that made the amount of clouds this one does. Now I can hotbox my Subaru easier than ever!


I don’t doubt it!

I think Cobb is onto something big here. They could make a killing on this stuff. Why smoke Newports when you can smoke Accessports instead?

Editor-in-Chief at Jalopnik. 2002 Toyota 4Runner.

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Satoshi "Zipang" Katsura

I do apologize if this sounds like a stupid question (since I’m still a noob at ECU tuning), but I take it you can’t just plug and get an aggressive tune right off the bat with an Accessport, right?