Church Van Of The Week: Ram Van Extreme Edition

Photo: Alex Hevesy
Photo: Alex Hevesy

This week’s church van is a third generation Dodge Ram Van “EXTREME” edition. This isn’t a church van exactly, but it definitely performs church van-like activities.

Photo: Alex Hevesy
Photo: Alex Hevesy

Third-generation Ram Vans are one of the quintessential vans for hauling large amounts of people or things when you are on a budget. They are almost disturbingly cheap and can be found for next to nothing on the internet or just the side of the road. I’m not entirely convinced that Dodge actually sold any of these vans new; the only way to buy one might have been through eBay for $500.

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Photo: Alex Hevesy
Photo: Alex Hevesy

This specific one is a bit of a mystery, as I have no idea what “EXTREME FAMILY OUTREACH” is supposed to mean; I doubt they take kids sky-diving or snowboarding after school, though. The Dodge is also decked out with a Scooby-Doo picture on the back and eyes on the hood.

This van perplexes me.

Similarly perplexing is the Mitsubishi Lancer wagon that’s forever parked next to these vans. I’ve driven past this place for years and it has never moved. Maybe the “EXTREME” pertains to some off-road rallying?

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Photo: Alex Hevesy
Photo: Alex Hevesy

Lance Tedford spends his energies working on his 1985 Chrysler LeBaron. He is extremely tall and can never die.

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DISCUSSION

doncdh
GhostCommuter

As an extreme zealot of the Church of Jalopnik I prostrate myself extremely and recount the Ten Car-mandments from last week:

  1. I am the Church Van, your Jalop. There is no Jalop but me, Miatas, brown manual diesel wagons, home-made track day cars, that Morgan trike, shooting brakes, restomod British cars, and ‘Utes. Jalop is polytheistic.
  2. Though shalt bring no badge engineering before me.
  3. Do not take the name of the manual transmission in vain.
  4. Remember to wrench on weekends, in thy garage, driveway, shed, or communal space.
  5. Honour thy mother or father-mobile, for minivans are practical and safe, and the kids will move out eventually.
  6. Though shalt not do burnouts leaving cars and coffee; take it to a consecrated circuit before thy kills a spectator.
  7. Though shalt not be such an adult that one does not turn into a twelve year-old kid when a Lamborghini pulls up beside thine.
  8. Thou shalt not steal, though getting a sweet deal on an undervalued Craigslist barn find is divine.
  9. Thou shalt not tell people that thy neighbour’s Mustang is a crappy base model with the V6 auto - buddy worked hard for that ride, it’s all he can afford.
  10. Though shall totally covet thy neighbours tools. Just ask first and always return them.