Chrysler Releases Super Bowl Commercial Images, We're Forced To Construct Hilarious, Deadly Narrative

There's something a little disappointing about a company releasing still images of their new advertisements. It usually means that said company is either unsure about the final cut or that, more likely, they're trying to double dip their media coverage. Normally, we wouldn't give in to such a thing. But Chrysler's "New Day Celebration" images make a nice, homicidal narrative about the new Cerberus take over. It's like There Will Be Blood, with Robert Nardelli as the Daniel Day-Lewis character.



Nardelli sends a note to the old Chrysler team, especially the people behind the Sebring, to gather in their offices.

Post It

The team gets a mysterious guide book with directions to the "new offices."



The directions lead to a wooded area where a vicious, animated child blindfolds them at gunpoint. They're left in the middle of the UP, where no one can hear them scream.

Listen To You


Nardelli's miniature henchman, Kid Cerberus, gathers everyone to the lobby. "The rule of law shall be respected! And I am the law! Listen to you? Never. You shall listen to me," he says with a murderous growl.

The Robot King


Kid Cerberus is so powerful that even the robots must obey his every command.

A New Day


It's a new day at Chrysler. And every day they must throw a celebration for their tiny leader, lest they end up abandoned in the woods like the others.

(Note: This is just a parody. The advertisement campaign seems to be about Chrysler turning it around, blah blah blah. We'll have more when we have video)

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