Bert Kreischer's First Car Was A Fox!
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Chevy Blazer, Ford Mustang, Plymouth GTX: The Biggest Suckers On Bring A Trailer This Week

Chevy Blazer, Ford Mustang, Plymouth GTX: The Biggest Suckers On Bring A Trailer This Week

Welcome back to the Suckers Slideshow, where today we're talking America

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Image for article titled Chevy Blazer, Ford Mustang, Plymouth GTX: The Biggest Suckers On Bring A Trailer This Week
Photo: Bring A Trailer

The United States of America: Land of the free, home of the hilariously overpriced domestic vehicles. Since last week, American automakers have started to see some upticks in the chip supply. But as anyone shopping for cars (or consoles, graphics cards, thinly sliced crispy potatoes) can tell you, things haven’t gotten much better on the consumer side of the equation. If this week’s Suckers Slideshow is any indication, prices on everything from classic off-roaders to modern muscle are still elevated — and not coming down any time soon.

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25k-Mile 1999 Dodge Ram 2500 4×4 Quad Cab SLT Cummins 5-Speed - $34,000

25k-Mile 1999 Dodge Ram 2500 4×4 Quad Cab SLT Cummins 5-Speed - $34,000

Image for article titled Chevy Blazer, Ford Mustang, Plymouth GTX: The Biggest Suckers On Bring A Trailer This Week
Photo: Bring A Trailer

Kelley Blue Book value: $16,241

We’re starting off strong this week, with a late-nineties Ram that sold for over double its book value. Personally, I’m always liked this generation of Ram pickup — maybe it’s the quietly determined face, the unadorned honesty of the body, or just the fact that I watched Twister at a formative age. None of those, however, would make this truck worth over $30,000.

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Admittedly, the market for 4WD vehicles is particularly hot right now. Diesels, too, are having their minute in the sun. But to pay just $5,000 less than the cost of a new diesel Ram for one that will have all the pains and grievances of a two-decade-old truck is indefensible. It’s not even red.

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5,600-Mile 1989 Ford Mustang GT 5-Speed - $49,999

5,600-Mile 1989 Ford Mustang GT 5-Speed - $49,999

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Photo: Bring A Trailer

Hagerty value: $25,300

For the right buyer, this Fox Body is a perfect time capsule. Hop in, open that pop-up sunroof, crank the “premium cassette stereo,” and listen to that Flowmaster exhaust rumble. Sure, there’s no ragtop to put down so your hair can blow, but the the car is otherwise perfect.

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In fact, maybe too perfect. With 5,600 miles on the clock, you can’t experience the car without seriously hurting its value. When that odometer hits 5,700, the price drops. It drops again at 6,000, and at 10,000, and you still haven’t hit the average annual mileage for a car on U.S. roads. You can look at your new Fox Body in its deep blue hue, hoping that a future buyer wants to pay even more for it as an art piece than you did, but God help you if you touch it.

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10k-Mile 2007 Chevrolet Silverado 2500 HD Duramax 4×4 - $60,000

10k-Mile 2007 Chevrolet Silverado 2500 HD Duramax 4×4 - $60,000

Image for article titled Chevy Blazer, Ford Mustang, Plymouth GTX: The Biggest Suckers On Bring A Trailer This Week
Photo: Bring A Trailer

Kelley Blue Book value: $35,724

The Bring A Trailer ad doesn’t mention it, but this seems to be a Silverado Classic — a holdover model from the previous year, continuing on past its expiration date. Admittedly, the Classic looks a lot better than the new-for-2007 Silverado. But does it look $60,000 good?

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Older diesel trucks, like this one, are sought after because they lack much of the emissions equipment that modern diesels have to lug around. They’re said to be immortal, bulletproof, maintenance-free forever. But if that’s true, why pay the premium for one with such low mileage?

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1968 Plymouth GTX - $65,000

1968 Plymouth GTX - $65,000

Image for article titled Chevy Blazer, Ford Mustang, Plymouth GTX: The Biggest Suckers On Bring A Trailer This Week
Photo: Bring A Trailer

Hagerty value: $51,900

In Concours condition, a 1968 Plymouth GTX can pull six-figure sums. This car, with its rusted fenders, unknown mileage, and different-color repaint doesn’t appear to be a Concours example. Though, who knows, maybe there’s an immaculate Plymouth hiding in the Motorola Razr-quality photos.

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This specific genre of classic car, with a big V8 running through an ancient three-speed slushbox, pops up a lot when looking at classic American muscle for sale. One would think that only manual transmission cars would pull such high sums, and that the experience of actually operating one of these these archaic clutch-free drivetrains wouldn’t live up to the same pricing. Yet, here we are.

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1968 Ford Bronco - $69,500

1968 Ford Bronco - $69,500

Image for article titled Chevy Blazer, Ford Mustang, Plymouth GTX: The Biggest Suckers On Bring A Trailer This Week
Photo: Bring A Trailer

Hagerty value: $55,100 in original condition

I’ll admit, I’m not as against fake patina as many others in the car community. No one complains when a Mad Max-style car has some artificial weathering, but everyone gets up in arms when you do it to other classics? I can see both sides of the issue. This Bronco, however, with its mix of real and fake aging, definitely doesn’t sit right.

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The platonic ideal of fake patina is to have a vehicle that functions properly but looks like it’s been worn down by time. This Bronco, somehow, seems to be the opposite — sure, it’s mechanically refreshed but later photos show the top clearly doesn’t seal properly against the body of the truck. You’re left with a truck that looks new-but-fake-old, but actually has many of the issues of a rusted-out ‘60s truck. What’s the appeal?

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Modified 1954 Chevrolet Corvette - $76,500

Modified 1954 Chevrolet Corvette - $76,500

Image for article titled Chevy Blazer, Ford Mustang, Plymouth GTX: The Biggest Suckers On Bring A Trailer This Week
Photo: Bring A Trailer

Hagerty value: $65,300 in original condition

This, I get a little more. The C1 Corvette is a good-looking vehicle, and updating its drivetrain to perform a bit more like a modern car can make you more apt to actually take it out for a drive. Once again, however, you’re left with a big, powerful automatic running through a four-speed slushbox. Why?

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If I had all the money in the world, I would love to build up a C1 Corvette to modern specs. Replace the dated inline six with a modern incarnation like a Barra, and hook it to a high-performance dual-clutch gearbox. Would that make everyone angry enough, or would I also have to somehow make it front-wheel-drive?

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Modified 1970 Chevrolet K5 Blazer CST 4X4 - $92,500

Modified 1970 Chevrolet K5 Blazer CST 4X4 - $92,500

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Photo: Bring A Trailer

Hagerty value: $75,000 in original condition

Speaking of vehicles I love, we’ve got a 1970 K5 Blazer. One of these trucks, lift kit and all, was in the running to be my first ever daily driver — until it turned out to be nearly impossible to keep in a lane. Still, the overall style has aged immaculately, and any off-roader that lets you put the top down deserves its place in your heat. But does it deserve to take up this much space from your bank account?

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We’re approaching the hundred thousand dollar mark here, for a fifty-plus-year-old truck with unknown mileage and cheap-looking wheels. Sure, it’s been updated with modern amenities like Bluetooth and air conditioning (and plaid seats!), but it still relies on a three-speed auto to get around. Is this really a $92,500 driving experience? If you aren’t dodging taxes through a Montana LLC with it, is it worth the price?

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450-Mile 2017 Chevrolet Corvette Z06 Coupe 3LZ Z07 7-Speed - $99,999

450-Mile 2017 Chevrolet Corvette Z06 Coupe 3LZ Z07 7-Speed - $99,999

Image for article titled Chevy Blazer, Ford Mustang, Plymouth GTX: The Biggest Suckers On Bring A Trailer This Week
Photo: Bring A Trailer

Kelley Blue Book value: $85,520

While we’re on the subject of hundred thousand dollar driving experiences, here’s a 2017 Corvette Z06 that sold for just about a hundred grand on the nose. For that money, you get a previous-generation Corvette that began its life at the Chevrolet dealer where I stopped on the way back from my first-ever BRZ test drive, to help a friend try out a Camaro. That’s a long way of saying it’s from way salty, upstate New York.

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The Corvette, and particularly the Z06, is known for punching above its weight class in performance. This pricing is even, once you take the fully spec’d-out options sheet into account, a discount from the car’s initial MSRP (that’s unusual ‘round these parts). But with a new Z06 on its way, that carries a higher-revving engine in its updated chassis, what’s the value proposition here? Other similarly-spec’d Z06es have sold for over $10,000 less on Bring a Trailer — and they did so just last month. Why so much for this?

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LS3-Powered 1968 Chevrolet Camaro - $120,000

LS3-Powered 1968 Chevrolet Camaro - $120,000

Image for article titled Chevy Blazer, Ford Mustang, Plymouth GTX: The Biggest Suckers On Bring A Trailer This Week
Photo: Bring A Trailer

Hagerty value: $93,900 in original condition

Ah, the Suckers Slideshow classic: the restomod. I will freely admit that a classic Camaro with a houndstooth interior is one of the best-looking vehicles you can buy, inside and out. This one has been updated with modern audio, a modern Corvette V8, and a modern four-speed automatic transmission. I’ve ragged on those enough today, so let’s talk about the other weird choice in this car.

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From front to back, this Camaro is full of blue LED lights. They’re in both front footwells, they’re in the radio and gauges, on the sides of the center console and below the rear seats. Even the trunk is full of them, all wired to cheap-looking Radio Shack-tier switches. I miss Radio Shack. I don’t miss this style of car lighting.

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6-Mile 2018 Dodge Challenger Demon - $175,000

6-Mile 2018 Dodge Challenger Demon - $175,000

Image for article titled Chevy Blazer, Ford Mustang, Plymouth GTX: The Biggest Suckers On Bring A Trailer This Week
Photo: Bring A Trailer

Hagerty value: $142,000

This is, by a fairly wide margin, the most expensive Demon ever sold on Bring A Trailer. Just under a year ago, you could pick one of these up with 2,000 miles for under six figures. Now, most seem to trade in the $120,000-$140,000 range, with a few standouts peeking their heads above or below that region. The last one to sell this year pulled in $160,000, tying the previous record-holding Demon. And then there’s this.

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This Demon still has protective wrapping throughout the interior. Its Demon Crate accessories are untouched, still sealed in plastic and soft foam. The peel-off coating is still applied to the radio. My guess? It’ll never be removed. This car will pass from collector to collector, never being driven further than from a covered trailer to a heated garage — if it isn’t pushed. The mileage will stay low, the tires will stay original, and no one will ever experience its incredible acceleration. Why not just buy a Picasso? It would look better.

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