The dude that fought hordes of the undead with a chainsaw hand had to start somewhere, right? Well, in the case of actor Bruce Campbell (who research suggests may not actually have a chainsaw hand in real life?), that start seems to be doing films for automakers like Chrysler, and interacting with an actual, genuine Ford Tempo. Don’t just take my word — Bruce told us himself!
Here’s what Mr. Campbell told us, via Tweet, a sort of modern electric telegram that can include moving pictures and gramophone-quality audio:
Wow! Bruce Campbell’s first acting gig was as a hapless Ford Tempo salesperson doomed to lose to what appears to be a Dodge Aries K-Car in the legendary Feature Challenge of what I think is 1986. Here’s the same clip on YouTube, which may be a bit bigger so you can really drink it in:
Here’s what gets me: the Feature Challenge was staged? Holy crap, I always assumed that the results of that were genuine! Man, I gotta take some time to reflect on this. I mean, sure, it got Bruce into SAG, but at what cost?
The Tempo wasn’t exactly a great car, but those early K-Cars were garbage, too. I grew up with those shitboxes, and I remember them very well. My best friend had one, and despite it having 96 horsepower compared to the Tempo’s 90, that thing was dog-slow, slower than my 50-hp Beetle, especially on cold mornings when he’d pick me up for school in it, and the damn thing would barely get past 30.
Once, when the car was like, maybe 5 years old, he closed the driver’s door and a huge screw clattered out, and the door refused to open anymore. These things saved Chrysler, absolutely, but it helps no one to pretend they weren’t crap.
Maybe I’m just being willfully obtuse about the greatness of the K-Car, because the quality of the seats seems to be something worth getting Bruce to talk about:
Look, it’s the same beige sportcoat Bruce wore for the Feature Challenge! Again, here it is a bit larger:
Seats with “construction features found in expensive, name-brand furniture?” Holy shit—my K-Car has seats with real foam rubber in it, just like my La-Z-Boy? What am I, a king or something?
Just in case you don’t think Bruce Campbell brings something wildly important to the world of K-Car promotional videos, look at the mess that happens when Chrysler dared to make K-Car videos without him:
Is that what you want, people? This sort of concentrated industrial-strength cornpone dipshittery? Fuck, no. Never again.