Image: Bentley

Bentley, the maker of luxury cars and $252,000 books about itself encrusted in 100 carats of diamonds, now has a new set of writing utensils (that aren’t keyboards), all reasonably listed for around $600 to $700. Think, just think, about how many $252,000 books you can write for such a small investment price.

There has been no word yet on whether the pens can write by themselves, thus somewhat making sense of the price.

Image: Bentley

The pens, and everything else, are all part of an elaborate birthday party Bentley is throwing for itself at a ripe 100 years old. One would think the enthusiasm of birthdays would have worn off by that age, but #brands love birthdays.

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Bentley announced the pens on Friday, saying they mark the “extraordinary milestone” of the company’s 100th year, something that long-defunct companies like Oldsmobile and Studebaker could never dream of, and are “inspired by an incredible century of fine British craftsmanship.”

You might need a magnifying glass to see that craftsmanship, since they’re pens, but hey—to each their own.

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Image: Bentley

There are three pens in Bentley’s new “Limited Edition Centenary” collection: a ballpoint pen that Bentley wants $557 for at current exchange rates, a $614 rollerball pen, and a $672 fountain pen, each featuring a “sophisticated black colour, reminiscent of sports cars of the past.” 

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How the pens differ internally from the ones available at the local Office Depot, I cannot tell you. I write about cars, not pens. We hear some pens can cost even more than $700. Amazing.

Bentley did call them “timelessly beautiful,” though, meaning that maybe the whole appeal is for the pens to be stared at in awe for long after the ink has run out—that is, if $700 doesn’t buy Refills for Life (TM). It should, I say.

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Image: Bentley

But perhaps that’s just my narrow-minded view of the world, as someone who conveniently forgets to put pens back in the holders at the bank because I’m too cheap to buy the fancy Pilot ones with the thick, shiny ink, only to learn that the ones I took were awful and barely write. Perhaps, if I afforded myself the luxury of better pens, I would reacquaint myself with the art of writing by hand.

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Eh, nah. My keyboard has a backspace button, which these pens, even for $700, most certainly do not. Even a non-pen expert could tell you that much.