Photo: Craigslist

Next to paying Kanye to say nice things about you, a Yacht is the ultimate expression of wretched excess. Today’s Nice Price or Crack Pipe Caprice is a land yacht, but for the masses. Will its price however, have you saying some not so nice things about it?

What’s more frustrating to you, a narrow loss or a blowout? I think the former is the more demoralizing. At least with a blowout you can just throw your hands up and say ‘fine, it was never going to be!’ On the other hand, with a squeaker of a contest you stood a good chance, only to see the metaphorical gold ring snatched from your grasp by some seemingly minor factor. It could be a fart on a first date, or perhaps it was responding to a job interview question about drug use with ‘why, you got any on you?’

In the case of last Friday’s ‘70s-hip 1977 BMW 320i H&B Turbo, that ultimate success was denied by its $8,977 price. That was found to be too high by—are you ready for this?—50.2-percent of you. That wasn’t just a squeaker, that vote was tighter than a Miles Davis jam.

Around here we don’t like things close. We prefer our decisions decisive and sometimes we like our cars the same way. That’s just the case with this 1995 Chevy Caprice wagon. And that’s because there’s just no getting around how big it is. Actually, seeing how big it is, you might actually have issues with getting around it.

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The fourth generation Caprice was the last of that Chevy’s body-on-frame designs, and featured aerodynamic styling that, in some ways was an answer to the success of Ford’s Taurus, and in other ways an ode to the seas’ largest inhabitants. “Beached Whale” was in fact a common calumny thrown at the Caprice, but that didn’t stop the sedan edition from becoming a popular ride for the police, and the wagon for being a last hurrah for what was once a suburban landscape staple.

This 1995 Edition comes with the standard for the wagon LT1 V8, which was a detuned edition of the 350-cubic inch OHV engine that powered the Corvette. The LT1 in Caprice trim did 260-horsepower and 330 lb ft of torque. The ad notes that this one was rebuilt 70K ago by Summit Racing, but we likely won’t hold that against it.

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The car itself rocks 230,000 miles, but as the ad says, they don’t show. The gold paint seems to still hold a shine, and there don’t appear to be any issues aside form some minor scuffing on the bumper cap corner. The massive flanks, empty of planking, striping, or anti-ding strips provides a broad canvas but does seem kind of plain.

That was once evidence of buying from the bargain end of the menu but now looks clean and, dare I say it, almost contemporary. Polished five-slots belie the sleeper look however, as does the window tint and simple fact that it still exists. A survivor Caprice wagon in this kind of shape is likely to draw an appreciative audience wherever it goes. And when that crowd gathers you can amaze them with the two-way rear gate. Be prepared for the oohs and aahs.

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Getting there should be pretty easy too. The interior has held up remarkably well, and it’s spacious as all get out. The ad claims the car to be capable of transporting nine passengers, but unless you stack them like cordwood upon the folded-down seats in back, I’m guessing that it’s more realistically a 7-passenger ride. That’s still pretty good and the rear-facing seats in the back-back are a throw-back to days gone by. Along with miles gone by.

The wagon comes with a four-speed 4L60 automatic and features the shift lever on the column, as was commanded in both Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address and the 313 Edict of Milan.

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The seller says that the car is in ‘Amazing condition’ and that it ‘needs NOTHING!’ Tires are new, as are apparently a set of glasspacks (burbbleburbbleburbbleburbble) for the dual exhaust. The title is said to be clean and, as it’s listed as living in California, it’s pretty likely smog compliant.

How much is this gold standard? The asking price is $7,000, and when considered by the pound or on the inch, that’s probably a pretty good deal. The thing of it is, this is a wagon from another time and place. Parking spaces in most urban environments these days have COMPACT painted at their entrance, and are pretty much only usable by motorcycles. A car of ample carriage such as this Caprice will either have to use the spaces miles away, or take up two close ones, thus setting off WWIII among the parking lot nannies. Other age and size issues abound. Driving an old wagon would likely get you shunned by your SUV and crossover-piloting friends and neighbors who wouldn’t take lightly to your apostate retro leanings.

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You know what, screw them. Let’s go big or go home. What do you think, is this big wagon and that $7,000 price a big deal? Or, is this Caprice priced so that it’s present captain will need to go down with his ship?

You decide!

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San Francisco Bay Area Craigslist, or go here if the ad disappears.

H/T to quaker864 for the hookup!

Help me out with NPOCP. Click here to send a me a fixed-price tip, and remember to include your Kinja handle.

Nice Price Or Crack PipeIs this used car a good deal? You decide!