At $15,000, Could This 'Country's Cleanest' 2000 Volvo V70R Totally Clean Up?

Photo: Craigslist
Nice Price Or Crack PipeIs this used car a good deal? You decide!

The seller of today’s Nice Price or Crack Pipe V70R describes the car as the cleanest in the land and himself as its ‘curator.’ Those are impressive credentials, but could both the car and its price live up to the hype?

I’ve been told that oftentimes when a woman gets a dress with pockets and someone compliments them on said dress, the natural response to that compliment is to announce “it has pockets!” That enjoyment of the unexpected is, in my opinion, one of life’s greatest little pleasures, and you could find just such an unexpected little pleasure in yesterday’s 2017 Hyundai Tucson Sport.

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At first glance there was nothing all that special in that little FWD crossover, but upon closer inspection you’d find that it had been TJIN-ized and was in fact a former SEMA show car. The car’s mods were subtle for SEMA but could have proven just right for the road. Unfortunately we’ll never find out since at $20,999, that Tucson proved too rich for our blood, dropping in a 75 percent Crack Pipe loss. Maybe if it had pockets... ?

Crossovers and SUVs have for years played the big dog in the car market. That doesn’t however mean that cooler cars have been entirely wiped from the landscape. The sport wagon for example, may seem to have been near extinction for some time, but there are still a number of examples still thankfully kicking around.

Today’s 2000 Volvo V70R is a fine example of just such a car. In fact, according to its seller… oops, ‘curator,’ this hot shoe Volvo is quite possibly the cleanest there is.

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Now, I don’t wish to call that assertion into question, but needless to say, this is a pretty big planet and even the seller admits in his ad that the scope of his knowledge is somewhat limited. With those caveats in mind, there is no doubt that this is still one hell of a squeaky clean Volvo.

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The V70R took over from the 850 T-5R as Volvo’s wagon with a turned-up tap. Of the four model years the R edition of this body style ran, 2000 is probably the one to get. That’s because this was the only year that it came with the next-gen drivetrain. That’s a 261 horsepower 2.4-litre turbocharged inline five cylinder backed up by a five-speed automatic (no manual was offered here) and Haldex-design AWD. The R rides on lower springs and special 16-inch alloys as well. Bodywork unique to the model included a revised front valance and roof extender in back. Dual pipes poke out of the back bumper below that.

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This car is claimed to have been meticulously maintained over the course of its modest 81,000 mile life. The bodywork presents in Metallic Silver and appears to be in excellent shape. I don’t know about you but most of the older V70s I see exhibit bumpers that look like they’ve been parked by Braille Institute attendees. These are completely clean.

In fact, this car seems flawless overall, right down to its very pretty five-spoke wheels—alternatives of which are available at an additional cost. The seller says the car spent most of its life in California and Arizona and hence is free of any road rot. He further claims it to have been garage kept and meticulously maintained its entire life.

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In truth, the engine bay looks clean enough to serve a meal to royalty on, and the R-exclusive blue cam and plug cover still is as exciting a sight as when new. A few aftermarket bits have found there way in here. Those include a strut reinforcer bar and a Snabb intake. Apparently there’s also a new exhaust on the other side of things. New strut assemblies keep it all on the road, while a recent timing belt replacement should keep things humming.

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The interior looks amazingly clean. As you likely know, older Volvo leather typically holds up about as well as the wrapping on a 5-year old’s birthday present. The R came with a unique leather and diamond-stitched alcantara upholstery, and that is wrapped around aggressively bolstered seats up front. Those, and the leather-wrapped steering wheel appear to be in as-new condition. The dash is crack-free and is topped with a Dolby speaker box for the upmarket factory sound system. The rear seat and load area are equally clean and tidy. The title is clear and the car is said to still smell new. I wish I could same the same for myself.

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There is no doubt that yesterday’s Hyundai would prove to be a far more reliable (and actually warrantied) ride than this Volvo. It also would allow you to submerge yourself in a sea of sameness seeing as it represents the common class of cars on today’s roads. Unless you’re planning on robbing banks or stalking celebrities there’s still not all that much appeal in such ubiquity.

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This Volvo on the other hand, will stick out like a Swedish thumb no matter where you go. The only issues here are the car’s condition and perhaps its price. Yes, you’re getting what’s potentially the cleanest V70R on the market, but is that a mantle of responsibility that you would be willing to adopt? The price for doing so is a heady $15,000 and while this is the nicest one you are likely to find, that’s still way more than your average V70 will ask.

What do you think, does that cleanest title mean it could take $15,000 in dirty money? Or, is this V70R just not worth cleaning out your bank account?

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You decide!

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Delaware Craigslist, or go here if the ad disappears.

H/T to discodub for the hookup!

Help me out with NPOCP. Hit me up at rob@jalopnik.com and send me a fixed-price tip. Remember to include your Kinja handle.

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About the author

Rob Emslie

Rob Emslie is a contributing writer for Jalopnik. He has too many cars, and not enough time to work on them all.