At $1,550, Could This Spooky 1996 Buick Roadmaster Project Scare Up A Buyer?

Photo: Craigslist
Nice Price Or Crack PipeIs this used car a good deal? You decide!

It’s Halloween, my favorite day of the year, and in honor of that, today’s Nice Price or Crack Pipe Buick is a car that could be either a trick or a treat, depending on how handy you are with a wrench. Let’s see if its price means it stands even a ghost of a chance.

In David Cronenberg’s remake of The Fly, Jeff Goldbloom’s Seth Brundle wears the same style of clothes every day. As he explains to Geena Davis’ character it’s a trick he learned from Albert Einstein—a habit intended to speed the morning routine and save valuable brain cycles otherwise wasted on fashion decisions.

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In reality, Albert Einstein’s wardrobe was a good bit more varied, mostly on account of the efforts of his second wife, Elsa. Change can be good, except when it’s not. Yesterday’s 1995 Dodge Viper RT/10 wore a non-original coat of burnt orange metallic paint and that deviation from the norm riled a few of you to no end.

That factor, along with a dealer ad that was more interested in attracting the financially dubious than in detailing the car’s bonafides, went far in quelling interest in its $26,777 price. In the end, it fell in a frustratingly narrow 51 percent Crack Pipe loss.

Of course, today is the day when many people affect a change in their appearance, it being All Hallows’ Eve. Are you sitting at your breakfast table or perhaps your day job while wearing a clever costume as tradition dictates? I myself am dressed as George Washington today and am looking pretty dapper if I do say so.

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Dressing up can be fun, whether it’s for the season or, as in the case of this 1996 Buick Roadmaster, for the long haul. The dress-up here involves some custom plum paint topped both front and sides with interlacing flames, but that’s not all.

Other updates here include smoked headlamp lenses and a bass-mouth grille, black and silver alloy wheels wrapped in rubber band tires, and shaved door handles. Pull up to school in this and you’ll be known as the most badass parent ever to bring store-bought cupcakes to a class Halloween party.

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That will have to wait, of course. As the ad details, the driveline for the car is currently, well… not in the car. The ad shows a photo of both disembodied elements—V8 engine and automatic trans—sitting ensconced in the garage with the car. The seller says that the engine is “a motor used in Corvettes” and that the slusher “has been changed to a factory-built.” I don’t know what we’re supposed to do with those tidbits of information but I’m glad he stepped up to the plate and took a few swings here.

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The ad claims that the seller has the parts to reinstall the driveline, just not the time to do so. Apparently, there was also no time available to open a door and give us a glimpse of the interior. It’s either that or the electrical system is down making the solenoid openers inactive. The seller does say that the interior is in “really good shape,” which makes me all the more rueful for being denied a peek.

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There’s 160,000 miles on this big-ass B-body and it comes with a clean title. The seller says to look at the pictures and then decide if you want it. Having done just that, I can say that I kinda-sorta-do. Of course, being over 1,800 miles away and lacking any way to close that gap in its present state, it’s more of a taunt than a treat.

Then there’s the price. The seller is asking $1,550 for the car, the mill, and the transmission, all together, but also all apart. What you have to decide is whether that’s a fair price for a badass Roadmaster with some assembly required. What do you think, could this flame-sporting Buick get you fired up at that price? Or, does it hold about as much appeal as a box of raisins and a religious tract in your Halloween haul?

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You decide!

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Indianapolis, IN Craigslist, or go here if the ad disappears.

H/T to the Ouija Board for the hookup!

Help me out with NPOCP. Hit me up at rob@jalopnik.com and send me a fixed-price tip. Remember to include your Kinja handle.

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About the author

Rob Emslie

Rob Emslie is a contributing writer for Jalopnik. He has too many cars, and not enough time to work on them all.