Aristocrat Motors FINALLY Sponsors Sporting KC In Symbolic Deal

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One of the great automotive laments, among autojournos, is the lack of a tie-in between Aristocrat Motors, Kansas City's premier Mercedes-Benz, Porsche, Jaguar, Land Rover, Maserati, and really any remotely aristocratic marque dealership, and local soccer team Sporting Kansas City. Today, those laments are over.


Aristocrat Motors, the standard bearers of mid-western aristocracy, is finally sponsoring that very same MLS soccer team with the very aristocratic name, a move we've all patiently waited for and expected for a long time now.

Sporting Kansas City ain't no "Jacksonville Jaguars," it ain't no "San Jose Sharks," it ain't no "New Orleans Pelicans," or any other city + animal-based sports team known for their blue-collar nomenclature. Only aristocrats say words like "sporting," or live in Kansas City.

(I think, I've never actually been there. Hi, Kansas City.)

Which is why this all makes perfect sense. The aristocracy is a segment of American society which has historically been tragically underserved, tragically under-pandered to, and tragically just tragic. Tragedy.

But more than a righting of great wrongs, this eminent sponsorship is a symbol. No, not a symbol of champagne wishes and caviar dreams, because the symbolism goes much deeper than that. Deeper than the deepest crevices in the Marianas Trench, deeper than even your favorite Morrissey song. The symbolism, it's so deep:

Mercedes-Benz represents the best or nothing, and that is reflected in the MLS championship-winning organization that Sporting Kansas City has created. Jaguar represents the speed that is exhibited on the pitch in every match, and finally Land Rover reflects the strength that is needed for the game and also the ownership group of Sporting Kansas City.


Smart Cars, which Aristocrat Motors also sells, symbolize nothing.



Ash78, voting early and often

I went to that dealership once. They bent me over the table, sodomized me with a half-shaft, forced me to fellate a grease gun, emptied some crankcase sludge all over my chest, and covered my face in lithium grease while 20 guys stood around and laughed.

Aristocrat Motors!