Ever wanted to steal a booze truck and par-tay? A 19-year-old Maine woman attempted to do just that, and led the police on an erratic, mediumish-speed chase until she lost control of the truck and crashed into a barn.

Given that the cider’s name is Angry Orchard, I suspect it was angry about its fallen tree-brethren, took control of itself back from the driver and led itself into the barn as an orchard sacrifice.

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“MY TREE-PLE, YOU WERE CUT FROM YOUR RIGHTFUL PLACE IN NATURE AND NOW YOU HAVE SUFFERED ENOUGH.”

(Naturally, I’m assuming hard cider trucks speak in the same tone of voice as Terry Pratchett’s Death.)

Either that or the lady was really, really that drunk. Actually, probably that. That’ll do it.

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Boston.com reports that Nicole Dyment stole the truck from Portland, Maine. Police attempted to pull her over after noticing that the truck was driving erratically, at which point they learned that the vehicle was stolen.

After an attempted traffic stop, Dyment tried to flee from the cops at speeds up to 65 mph—which doesn’t sound all that intense until you remember that she’s drunk in a truck full of bottles sloshing around back there. Plus, if she had gotten into the truck’s stash at all, I wouldn’t trust her behind the handlebars of a Big Wheel, much less a big ol’ delivery truck.

Unsurprisingly, she lost control of the truck and it crashed into a barn in the town of Limerick.

Dyment was treated for a head injury at Southern Maine Medical Center. Per Boston.com, Dyment is expected to be charged with driving under the influence, driving to endanger, failure to stop for a police officer, and (double oopsie!) driving without a license.

Photo credit: Boston.com


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