Adult Human Actually Thinks School Bus Brake Lights Are Satanic

Illustration for article titled Adult Human Actually Thinks School Bus Brake Lights Are Satanic

Robyn Wilkins, an adult human being with functioning eyeballs and the capacity to reason, somehow actually thinks that school buses around the Memphis, TN area have brake lights designed to promote worshipping the devil. Yes, this woman saw a pattern of LEDs that sort of looked like a pentagram, and is now livid.

"Anyone who fears a God, if not God and Jesus Christ, should be outraged."

That statement above is one Wilkins said, while referring to an auxiliary brake light, a red illuminated lamp designed to indicate when a vehicle's brake is applied, and almost never designed to convey the message that "do as thou wilt is the whole of the law" or any other tenet of Satanism.


Wilkins snapped a picture of the round brake lamp, which has a series of LEDs arranged to roughly fill the round area of the lamp. LEDs in similar lamps can be arranged in a number of ways, such as snowflake-looking shapes, six-pointed stars, diamonds, or, like this one, in a five-pointed shape roughly resembling a star.

Wilkins went on to add

"If you can't put a cross on there, you cannot put a pentagram on it."

... though technically you could have a cruciform arrangement of LEDs, though they wouldn't really fill a round space very well at all.

While most companies would say the number and arrangement of the LEDs has more to do with the economics of filling the lens area of the light with the minimum yet acceptable number of LEDs needed to create a relatively even glow, it's certainly possible the one and only goal of the arrangement of those LEDs was to entice children into following the Dark Lord.

In fact, in never-before-released internal documents, other prototypes of this type of light, from the Bel-Z-Bulb Automotive Lighting Company, used other possibly pro-satantic designs:

Illustration for article titled Adult Human Actually Thinks School Bus Brake Lights Are Satanic

Other documents from the company include a study undertaken by the Secret Council For The Spread Of Satanic worship, which states

We have determined the most efficient way to lure children into worshipping Our Dark Lord Satan is via the mechanism of automotive lighting. Experiments with indicator lights have proven effective in getting children at least aware of Lucifer, and brake lights have proven even more effective, convincing over 86% of Christian children to renounce their faith and dedicate their lives to hedonism and Satan. This is even without the benefit of a CHMSL.


The Satantic documents go on to cite other similar successes by the Buddhists, who have been promoting rims that resemble the Wheel of Life, and even some Christian groups have found that the clear, pure, white glow of a reverse lamp can cause some children to feel the white, welcoming glow of Christ's arms.

It's no secret that taillights are by far the most effective tool religions have for acquiring young converts, and this woman was right to point out the Memphis school systems' clear pro-Satanic bias.


That, or I made up the last five paragraphs and this woman is a huge, paranoid loon.


Ravey Mayvey Slurpee Surprise

Hey Torch, want to start up a black metal band called "Schoolbus Pentagram Brake Lights"?