A Reminder That Money Doesn't Buy Taste

Photo: David Zalubowski (AP)

It does not do, as I have always said, to be merely rich. Any idiot can be rich. But to be rich and have the taste and class to boot? This is where it gets tricky. I am not surprised, yet again, that I have to explain this to people.

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In Nigeria, apparently there are people who are so rich that they just have money to burn. This in itself is not wrong; in fact it is the advisable thing to do. There’s no such thing as an afterlife, sharing is for squares, you can’t take it with you blah blah blah—so spend it all now while your ankles are still intact.

What’s infuriating is the fact that these rich elites are burning money stupidly, as a headline from one “Business” “Insider” claims: “Superrich Nigerians are ordering pizza from London and having it delivered by British Airways, government minister says.”

The story continues,

Some wealthy Nigerians are ordering pizzas from London and having them delivered back home on British Airways flights, a government minister has claimed.

“Do you know, sir, that there are Nigerians who use their cellphones to import pizza from London?” Audu Ogbeh, Nigeria’s minister of agriculture, told a senate committee last Tuesday. “Buy in London, they bring it on British Airways in the morning to pick up at the airport.”

“It is a very annoying situation,” he added, “and we have to move a lot faster in cutting down some of these things.”

Ogbeh didn’t name any Nigerians who made such orders, and it’s not clear whether they fly to London for the pizzas or get someone else to do it.

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For once, a government official and I agree! This is absolutely trash behavior and it needs to stop immediately.

Think about it: ordering a pizza from London? And having it delivered to Nigeria? The fucking nerve of these out-of-touch rich idiots—everyone knows the best pizza comes from New York City. This is some peak classless, tacky nouveau-riche bullshit. I’m beginning to see more and more of it in my circles and it’s driving me up my goddamn gold-leaf wall.

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Is pizza really the food that comes to mind when one thinks of London? Pizza? Really? Not fish and chips, English breakfast, roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, scones with jam and clotted cream or tea sandwiches? Any of these choices would be smarter and more appropriate.

D’you know how I know pizza is a New York food? Because other businesses will advertise their pizza as New York-style pizza. In New York, it’s just called pizza. (And by the way, if you’re from London/been to London and feel the need to whine, “Well akshully London pizza is quite good...” you’re welcomed to instead write that comment on a dollar bill and burn it in front of your children.)

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If anything, these rich Nigerians ought to be ordering delivery pizza from New York. Sure, New York is further, but if it came down to London pizza versus New York pizza, any person with real taste would know the difference.

Money can buy pizza, but money definitely can’t buy taste or common sense. Apparently educating rich dumbasses about this fact is my job now. And it doesn’t even come with benefits.

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About the author

Kristen Lee

Writer at Jalopnik and consumer of many noodles.