Last night, a new car club in the Pacific Northwest called "Team Innovations" popped up on the internets.
Now, we have nothing against the club itself. These guys look like they love cars, and if they want to express it by putting Lambo doors on a Hyundai Tiburon, be our guest. It might not be our choice, but hey, if that's what they like, who are we to stop them?
But when you have a promo rap music video made for your club, that's where we run into issues. The song, which I guess we'll call, Ride TI, has some truly excellent (sarcasm) lyrics, as we'll examine below:
Whatchu know about Greddy Turbo kits?
Turbonetics?
Seibon Carbon Fiber?
Or Advan Rims (pronounced rhems)?
It's TI mother fucker (pronounced mudda fucka)!
Everybody round here rides TI.
Team Innovations, Team Innovations.
Not only are all of these questions asked with questionable pronunciation, but precisely none of them are actually answered.
So who wrote these sensible and downright wonderous lyrics? I bet you all think it was T.I., cause that would be really clever. But it isn't, it's the work of Northwest rapper Caspa. Yes, like the friendly ghost.
I'd write all the lyrics here, but it's more fun to listen and discover them for yourself.
Ok, one more verse, just for kicks.
I'm talkin' Hondas,
S2K red.
With the Gold Volks on it,
Call it Iron Man
Get it? Cause Iron Man is red and gold.
Also, most of the members are young, tattooed, and kind of terrifying looking. Then there's this guy.
Maybe he's lost? Or maybe he's a member and the club is very inclusionary. If that's the case, good for them!
(Hat Tip to George!)
DISCUSSION
TI throws down their lace panties to start the show
they dont know I aint slow and Im lookin for mo
than the average rap battle I slay men in streets
give these babies a rattle while I spit the heat
my rhyme styles unmatched on plus and thats quite the negative
my words come out like a lyrical shiv
straight to the gut
I sew ya mouth shut to save you from yourself
take your lame ass words and put that shit on the shelf
I know you enjoy reading my rhymes thinkin you can top me
you think you can shine but the only light you got is the one
I emit, I ignite the mic and your bitch ass gets lit
One more verse and I must be going but like a busted pipe im ever flowing, fillin up your world like a biblical storm you read my words and your brain gets warm. Thats it for me that was a victory lap.
Now if youll excuse me its time to fap. Jalopnik what up! Innovation got nothing on our style. Sit back and stay a while. Fucking posers.