A Colossal Jeremy Clarkson Head Is Roaming America, Possibly Demanding Sacrifices
A number of drivers in Washington State have noticed something guaranteed to strike awe and fear into any mortal: a massive sculpted head of Jeremy Clarkson, strapped to the back of a truck, staring out over the world and silently judging. Plotting. Preparing for the coming of the Great Cleansing.
A number of people have already spotted the massive Clarkson-head, almost Olmec in its scale, and have been tweeting out pictures of it, as warnings to humankind:
I like this one because it looks like some sort of demented Thomas the Tank Engine-type train:
Looks like the success of #TheGrandTour has gone to @JeremyClarkson's head pic.twitter.com/kLLfsHhIni
— McFlurry One Please (@JudgmentalNYer) December 2, 2016
What's equally alarming is that all of those crates in front of the head on the truck are all labeled JEREMY [BODY PART NAME], including one box labeled JEREMY CROTCH:
What's really scary is his crotch has a whole packing case too. pic.twitter.com/1zksG7nO5W
— Jane Brewer (@jane_brewer) December 6, 2016
Holy shit.
This, of course, suggests that there's more up-scaled Jeremy Clarkson parts in there (including a crotch), which means that perhaps this truck is headed to Amazon's Seattle headquarters, where they will be assembled into a huge Clarkson Golem that will terrorize the planet.
A golem with a crotch.
James May, Clarkson's co-host on The Grand Tour, had a good zinger saved up just in case a massive Jeremy head was ever spotted:
Only just discovered that someone managed to shrink Clarkson's head. pic.twitter.com/VxOeFPEBqA
— James May (@MrJamesMay) December 6, 2016
Based on their Twitter feed, The Grand Tour is aware of the massive stone Clarkson, and gave a bit of a clue about the final product:
wait until they see @MrJamesMay's old lady hair... pic.twitter.com/uOHuaBGZRF
— The Grand Tour (@thegrandtour) December 4, 2016
Holy crap. Engineering has finally managed to translate James May's hair into mineral material, at massive scales. This accomplishment is basically Britain's moonshot. I'm assuming there was British engineering involved, but I won't know that for sure until the statues start leaking oil or smoking.
From those blueprints, it looks like the final result will include Richard Hammond, and will be a massive statue of the noted triumverate of automobiliana.
This should be amazing. I know I'm technically not supposed to engage in idolotry, but once it's finished, I may try praying to it a bit, because why the hell not, right?