A Colossal Jeremy Clarkson Head Is Roaming America, Possibly Demanding Sacrifices

Illustration for article titled A Colossal Jeremy Clarkson Head Is Roaming America, Possibly Demanding Sacrifices

A number of drivers in Washington State have noticed something guaranteed to strike awe and fear into any mortal: a massive sculpted head of Jeremy Clarkson, strapped to the back of a truck, staring out over the world and silently judging. Plotting. Preparing for the coming of the Great Cleansing.

A number of people have already spotted the massive Clarkson-head, almost Olmec in its scale, and have been tweeting out pictures of it, as warnings to humankind:


I like this one because it looks like some sort of demented Thomas the Tank Engine-type train:

What’s equally alarming is that all of those crates in front of the head on the truck are all labeled JEREMY [BODY PART NAME], including one box labeled JEREMY CROTCH:


Holy shit.

This, of course, suggests that there’s more up-scaled Jeremy Clarkson parts in there (including a crotch), which means that perhaps this truck is headed to Amazon’s Seattle headquarters, where they will be assembled into a huge Clarkson Golem that will terrorize the planet.


A golem with a crotch.

James May, Clarkson’s co-host on The Grand Tour, had a good zinger saved up just in case a massive Jeremy head was ever spotted:


Based on their Twitter feed, The Grand Tour is aware of the massive stone Clarkson, and gave a bit of a clue about the final product:


Holy crap. Engineering has finally managed to translate James May’s hair into mineral material, at massive scales. This accomplishment is basically Britain’s moonshot. I’m assuming there was British engineering involved, but I won’t know that for sure until the statues start leaking oil or smoking.

From those blueprints, it looks like the final result will include Richard Hammond, and will be a massive statue of the noted triumverate of automobiliana.


This should be amazing. I know I’m technically not supposed to engage in idolotry, but once it’s finished, I may try praying to it a bit, because why the hell not, right?

Senior Editor, Jalopnik • Running: 1973 VW Beetle, 2006 Scion xB, 1990 Nissan Pao, 1991 Yugo GV Plus, 2020 Changli EV • Not-so-running: 1977 Dodge Tioga RV (also, buy my book!: https://rb.gy/udnqhh)

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Later, Jeremy Clarkson isn’t fed in time and the head becomes angry, then grows a beard as it begins to roam the countryside to feed