What Will Elon Musk Do Next To Bump The Stock Price?
If you haven't checked out Tesla's stock price or sales numbers lately, you're in for a shock — they're low and only getting lower, which means we are just about due for another wild Elon Musk promise! Every oligarch knows the best way to bump your tumbling-yet-still-obscene wealth is to really roll up your sleeves and promise something outlandish and ludicrously unobtainable. The more naive publications you can get to publish a "Big, If True!" news story, the more points you add to your share price. It's Musk Math (TM)!
The last time Musk blew smoke up everyone's rear ends was at the We, Robot event back in October 2024, when the company unveiled the supposedly self-driving Cybercab and the pretty much useless but at least kind of pretty Robovan. The promises and prototypes didn't quite sway the stocks in the way Musk hoped due largely to the lack of specifics. The cars themselves were little more than part of a remote control movie set, much like the robot bar tenders controlled via gaming controllers but supposedly powered by AI. Stock prices sagged and it seemed folks were getting wary of Musk's favorite ploy. And then Musk bought the government and it seemed more than ever like Tesla was a safe bet.
But Tesla stock is anything but safe these days. Tesla has lost all of its post election gains and is still sliding. With a whole continent hating Teslas, Cybertruck owners facing opening harassment and the World's Richest Man losing a ludicrous 100 billion practically overnight (don't worry folks, he's still got $330 billion in the kitty for a rainy day) Musk is going to have to cook up a real whopper of some "corporate puffery." While there still is plenty of possibility that Tesla will reign supreme due to its owner's long-term political machinations, a boost with the buying public isn't a terrible idea. Maybe the next Tesla will actually be a time machine (but it will only go forward in time). Or the new Tesla will accelerate to just under the speed of light using a Heart-Of-Gold style Improbability Drive. Maybe he'll buy another country, or start a war for the lolz. Really, it could be anything, so long as it's a whopper and enough suckers believe him so the little line goes back up. For today's question, we want to know your guesses as to what Musk will do next to try and boost Tesla's stock prices?