Owning A 1984 Renault R5 Turbo II Is Peak Coolness
In Europe, fun-to-drive hatchbacks are pretty common, but here in the U.S., they're still rare enough to be incredibly cool to the people who know what they're looking at. Remember the Ford Fiesta ST? The Mazdaspeed3? The Subaru WRX? As cool as it was to drive, say, a Ford Focus RS, though, none of the hot hatches sold here reach truly legendary, almost-mythical status. Why? They were plenty of fun but also too conventional. Their engines were all in the front, where it made sense. No, what you really need is something mid-engine and rear-wheel drive. You know, something like this 1984 Renault R5 Turbo II that's currently for sale on Cars & Bids — arguably the coolest hot hatch that has ever been built.
At the time of writing, there are three days left on the auction, and bidding is only up to $40,000, which makes this mid-engine hot hatch look like it might almost sort of be obtainable if you cut out most other unnecessary spending. Unfortunately for everyone who's hoping to park this car in their driveway, there's a reserve on the auction, so don't be surprised to either see this car get way more expensive before the auction ends or simply not meet the reserve. Then again, what do you think is going to be a more stable investment over the next several years — a 1984 Renault R5 Turbo II or the S&P 500? Exactly. Even your financial advisor would tell you to pull as much money out of retirement as you need to in order to buy this car. It's me. I am your financial advisor now, and even though I am not a fiduciary, you can trust me on this.
When you finally do win this auction and part with more money than you ever thought you'd spend on a car, your brand new to you 40-year-old French car will be ready to tear your face off with a 1.4-liter turbocharged four-cylinder that makes an eye-watering 160 horsepower and 155 pound-feet of torque. OK, so those figures aren't exactly impressive by today's standards, but it was a different time. That same year, Ford only managed to get 175 hp out of the Mustang GT's 302. Besides, you aren't buying a French hatchback that's older than Aubrey Plaza to win street races against modern Mustangs. You buy it because these cars are so much more than their horsepower figure. Also, you shouldn't be street racing in the first place.
No, you buy the R5 Turbo II because it has actual rally heritage. The car only existed because Renault wanted to go rallying, and if that meant turning the 5 into a mid-engine, rear-wheel drive super hot hatch, then that was what Renault was going to do. Did it make sense? Of course not. At least not to us Americans, but they're French, and in France, that's the kind of thing you do, apparently. Honestly, the U.S. could learn so much from France. Who wouldn't want to wake up to a breakfast of red wine, cigarettes and a baguette before driving their mid-engine hot hatch to riot over the government doing something they don't like? That's literally the dream.
It's an absolutely ridiculous car that nobody needs, but that just makes it one of, if not the coolest hot hatch you could possibly buy. Come on, you know you need this car in your life far more than you need an extra $100,000+ in your retirement account.
