Guess who’s back, everyone? It’s our old pal, the Magic Talking Horse, and he’s drunk and belligerent. He’s here to grant you one very special wish: he’ll turn any car you want into a person, provided that you immediately punch that person in the face. So what car will get the personification-face-punch?
I think this is a more subtle question than it seems. The person that’s transformed from the car will retain all of that specific car’s fundamental personality traits, which should be the key factors in that person’s face-punchability. And it can’t just be simple dislike – there’s something far more specific about a really punchable face, car or human.
Off the top of my head, I think I may have to pick something like the Lexus 450h – there’s just something so smug and pinched and judgy about how that car looks. I bet it would personify into some over-coiffed guy in a popped-collar Izod that feels like some 80s-movie villain throwback.
I bet that quick fist to the face could be pretty satisfying. As long as he immediately reverts back to the car, so I don’t have to deal with any messy retaliatory-punches or lawsuits.
So, more importantly: what car would you give the old personify ‘n’ punch?
Contact the author at jason@jalopnik.com.