Jalopnik
While the 8-door '57 Chrysler limo almost beat out the stretched Ferrari 400i limo in our last Choose Your Eternity poll (and what an upset of reigning PCH Superpower, Italy, that would have been!), V12 power and Italian build quality seem to have triumphed over fins and rust. Today we need to see how Italy fares against its fellow PCH Superpower, Great Britain (with the winner moving on to take on France, of course). And, just to make things more fun, we're going with some serious Malaise machinery today, because Euro-Malaise is inherently cool-yet-hellish.
Can you get a Ferrari project for just $5,500? As anyone who has gone car shopping on any Craigslist site from Florida to Texas for the last year can tell you: Yes, you sure can! I've been running across the infamous Eddy, Texas Ferrari (go here if the ad disappears) for as long as I've been doing Project Car Hell, because the seller just won't give up! Many readers have sent in tips on this one, and now- finally!- I'm using it. So, why can't the seller unload this genuine Ferrari 308 for even as much as a Fiero-based "Ferrari" sells for? Sad to say, this car has been "toasted." Actually, I'd say "damn near completely consumed by flames" would be a more accurate statement, but enough of the hair-splitting- this is a Ferrari for $5,500! It has an engine and transmission and at least three genuine Ferrari wheels. This project is not impossible! Yes, it needs a few parts, but think of it this way: from the very moment it clanks onto your driveway, you're a Ferrari owner (and that moment will be the last happy one you spend with your new project for many, many years).
Burned Ferrari sitting in a Texas field? Is there anything in the same price range that can compete? How about that mighty British Malaise Warrior, the Lotus Esprit? Say, one for the exact same price as the Ferrari? Not possible, you say? Check out this 1980 Lotus Esprit, (go here if the ad disappears) located in the profoundly iron-oxide-friendly state of Delaware. The wing! The stripes! The V8 engine "not in car" (and maybe not even included in the deal)! The seller describes it as "awlsome," which we're assuming is not a typo; you'll feel as though an awl is being hammered into your skull every time you try to make this car drive. The body is in "great" shape and the interior is "good," so you'll be able to concentrate on all the mechanical components in need of work (i.e., all of them). Oh, and the electricals; go ahead and console yourself that Lotus was not a British Leyland company, but the Prince of Darkness had a hand in there somewhere.
Comments
I choose Ferrari because it looks like it was driven by Tom Selleck after eating at Burrito King
This PCH makes me sad. My childhood bedroom posters have been reduced to junk. I'm feeling my own mortality on this one.
Gotta go Lotus here. There's not enough left of the Ferrari to inspire the hope that slowly turns into despair, thereby creating true PCH.
Always have and still do, want an Esprit
Can I make an offer on the F40 replica in the bottom left pic of the 308 ad?
I choose the Ferrari. Couple of cans of Krylon, yank the motor and drop in a Fiero unit and fly on down the road flipping a "V" out of the window
@Spence: Yeah something hit me really hard on this one. It's not right. I think these are great cars and deserve better.
Both would be a horrible nightmare to own but the Ferrari is absolutely totalled. I can't believe that the seller's even trying for anything more than $500. Come on guy there's barely any Ferrari left.
The Lotus is $5500 or better offer!
Better for whom? Me, or him?
I feel I owe the Lotus salvation. It deserves to be freed from the shackles of a deranged, illiterate owner who thinks a classic Guigaro wedge is infinitely improved through the addition of stripes and a Boeing-issue rear spoiler.
Prime re-engineering prospect if ever there was one.
The Ferrari is saddening, but I feel it is time to admit, guys..... well, it's dead. Isn't it?
Are you kidding? Esprit all the way.
I would buy that thing and keep it in my living room.
Fuck yeah.
Nothing says "Goto hell" like burnt Italian.
@Rust-MyEnemy: The $20 aftermarket rims look Awlsome on it to!
My favorite part is how he describes his loction: "10 hours west of Mobile, AL (Eddy, TX)"
The locals know this place as 3 hours from Houston, or 1.5 hours from Austin, or 2.5 hours from San Antonio.
No, it's 10 hours from Mobile. I guess that's the most accurate description.
@Dr.Danger?: Mount it on the wall...
[www.bornrich.org]
I checked the box next to the Prancing horse, mostly due to the singed mane thereon. I'd like to drive that crispy critter up to the gates at Maranello on a flatbed and tell them I got the extended warranty. My Italian is sufficiently poor that I think I could make it work.
Okay, 1980 Esprit? V8? WTF. If I remember correctly, that should have come with a turbo 4-banger of Vauxhall lineage. Maybe he was drunk and seeing double when counting plug wires. Anyway, it's damn-near a kit car to begin with, so it soulddn't take much to make it at least run down hill.
@TexanIdiot25: I agree. The Ferrari looks like some passenger mistook the engine compartment for an ashtray and dropped smoldering Marlboro butts in there. Either that, or it's already been to hell, and made the trek back a bit later.
Oh no! Did the mustache make it?
Ummm... The 1980 Esprit had a four-banger in it. They didn't start making the V8 Esprit until the late 1990's.
And as the former owner of an '86 Esprit, I can tell you that even in excellent condition and only 15k on the odometer, they're still 'project' cars.
@Ω βгåғғ™: That would be awesome.
Either that or do a whole racing sim setup with it.
@No star for Bento: Yeah! No expense spent!
It's gotta be the Lotus. But mostly because 'awlsome,' as defined by the lovely Ms. Martin, is my new very favorite word.
@Unevolved: This guy has been putting ads for the burnt Ferrari in every CL site in the Southeast. At least he tailors it for each region.
Get both and put the 308's motor into the Lotus. That way, you actually WILL have a V8 Esprit.
Choose the Esprit because of the lagnuage.
@No star for Bento: I was thinking the same thing. Awlsome. And that paint job... What kind of monkey does that to a fine automobile?
Then there's the poor, poor Ferrari. Magnum would be in tears over that.
i had to go with the ferarri, because not only it is old and italian, but totaled, entirely...
im saying esprite, because the V8 wasn't even available till the mid 90's.
hence, no real engine.
hence.... welcome to british hell.
Ferrari. Actual Fire > Threat of Lucas Electrics Fire.
Just because a car has been on fire, does not mean it isn't worth undertaking as a project.
For example:
[www.thesamba.com]
Then again, I wonder if anyone cares enough about the 308 to go to that much trouble. At least a Hebmüller could hypothetically be worth the obscene sum to restore it.
@No star for Bento: you don't diss the King! He's all Lawrence, KS has to fend off drunk/high munchies at 4am!
Once again, this is a PCH that will affect a future purchase of mine. Thank you all for voting for the Lotus. I do not have the ability to grow a requisite bushy mustache and herpes to drive the 308.
Thank you.
"has all alum v8" anyone want to guess if that's a Buick/Rover 3.5L, does anyone think adding more British parts from other brands is a good idea?
I feel like bile just shot out of my computer screen and landed directly on my retinas. I don't want to see either of these cars ever again.
the lotus could be art bolted to the wall, the motor would make a great coffee table. lord knows my insurance company would laugh at me. "we don't insure sports cars"
I voted for the 308. It doesn't look impossible as a project, but it, without question, needs more money in parts than the finished car will be worth. How much does a windshield for a 308 go for these days?
The Lotus would also need more to get it back to its former glory than it will be worth when it's done, but at least when it's done, you wouldn't have lost as much on it.
The Lotus will be worth $5k-$10k less than the 308 when it's done, but it has to need more than $10k less than the Ferrari to get together. (anyone else able to follow that sentence?)
A torched 308 isn't hell. A torched F40 is hell. Hell with a side of mayo.
@No star for Bento: Dude....I had a set of those rims...18 years ago..No shit 1990 for a 88 GP. <--please don't laugh at me.I was just a youngster..I still thought the world of the General before I bought that car.
I'm thinking Ferrari...but I'd probably just part it out and make a bbq out of the shell or something.
These predate my fantasy car years (Diablo and Viper FTW), but it is pretty sad to see how the mighty have fallen.
Maybe both are entitled so Viking funerals. (maybe someone already tried with the Ferrari)
Oh good lord, gotta vote for the Lotus. Those saying it's a "thing of beauty" or "art".... sorry, can't see it. Couldn't even see it back when I had posters of a Countach on my wall. That thing's dated.
With the Ferrari, if you get it fixed, you can store it in a garage, and in twenty years, some wanker will still pay a few million for it at Barrett-Jackson.
With the Lotus, if you get it fixed, it's still, a.) British, so likely to spontaneously combust, b.) a Lotus, which means non-Jalops will always go, "a WHUT??", c.) damn ugly and d.) still British, so not really fixed anyhow.
Somewhere...possibly in Texas, but perhaps not, there is curled up and charred corpse that once was a passionate human being, like you or me, who fulfilled a dream with a red Ferrari...and then this kind, noble soul went from quiet desperation over his ride to fear and loathing; and to save himself and the world, he valiently tried to destroy it before it killed him or some other innocent soul. So he doused it with gas and lit it; and here it is, defiant and death-proof.
I'd rather have the Lotus, but in terms of project car hell, well, the Ferrari was actually ON FIRE. Easy choice really.
rust-prone car with fresh-looking paint... the same picture of the left side twice, but none of the right... thats not suspicious at all.
and awlsome is the new asome.
Lotus all the way.
Someone apparently mistook it for a Supra when picking aftermarket accessories. Those rims are beneath the dignity of even a malaise-era British sports car. Original rims, a coat of British racing green, and the mystery aluminum V8 behind door number 1, and I can start to see a fine vehicle in my mind's eye. THAT is the road to Hell.
The Ferrari is so hopeless so as to ward off even the maddest gearhead. If it were given to me, I'd start parting it out immediately.
I voted for the Ferrari, because a burned anything built after 1946 is going to begin as a small taste of hell which will morph into a full lifetime in the fiery place.
The Lotus could see the road in some fashion within the lifetime of a 30 year old dreamer, so it doesn't count as PCH at all.
I think.
Personally, I'd buy another Fiero GT and ride off into the sunset. After all, 99 out of 100 teenage girls and 95 out of 100 teenage boys can't tell the difference between a Ferrari and a Fiero anyway.
And in city traffic, the V 12 is just an expensive CD player making beautiful music, sometimes, that almost nobody will ever hear.
Sigh.
@biminitwst:
Oh, and the Ferarri is't even a V 12!
I wouldn't choose to burn in hell for fewer than twelve cylinders and six dual throat Webers.
But hell isn't a choice, is it.
Hell is a sentence from which there is no parole.
Ferarri FTW!
Does anybody else from Chicagoland think that's thhe Motor Werks badge on the back of the Ferrari? If so that car was bought in Barrington, IL. I'd love to know how it wound up smashed and burned in the middle of Texas.
Like Spence, I feel queasy looking at these cars. I can not imagine wanting to tackle the Ferrari. Usually I am going: A parts car? that's a great car. fix the whole thing.
This IS a parts car. I voted for the Lotus. But I never noticed all those inches of fender hanging over the rear tires. While it is missing the engine, it still doesn't look like it sits right. And sad because I was more interested in the red car behind the Ferrari and the white house's porch windows behind the Lotus. Worse yet, did Mikedrawcar say Magnum had herpes?
If Sally Struthers made a commercial promising me that just pennies a day could save these poor automobiles from their terrible fate, I would totally send money this time. The Lotus is particula