Auto Suck, The 12V DC Electric Blowjob Machine

I need to calm down for a second. The potential for this post is mind boggling—snow dicks, dragons and more! I'll just get right to the facts—this 12V-powered device runs off a car's cigarette lighter (or 12V outlet, if you don't happen to be driving around in a old Lincoln), looks like a pair of lips, fits around your willy, and sucks, period. It's available for $38 and would make a great Valentine's Day gift, to yourself, of course. Still doubting its ability? Check out the review.

This was not me performing the review, although if the manufacturers want to contact me for review opportunities, feel free at travis [at] jalopnik. The folks at Freddy and Eddy took the Auto Suck for a test, uh, sucking and described it as giving a "terrific and attentive blow job." Attentive? Really?

It's also important to note that the Auto Suck does not swallow. I think I need a cold shower. [Freddy and Eddy]