Bull. Nothing on earth can conceal my emissions.

Oh Porsche-e, your such a special car to me!
How I'd love to lay ya down..
And lick every inch of your bodaay with my tongue!
Porsche-e, you're my sexual fantasy..
How 'bout you and me, get it together and make sweet love!
Cos, nobody can take your place, no way the could match your face
You've got it goin' on in a way so clear, I just wanna buy you a beer
I thought maybe tonight at 7:30 or something I could uh..
Come by and pick you up in the garage...
No Substitute, No Substitute for you, No Substitute! No baby there's..
No Substitute, for you baby, No Substitute for you now!

ha, i actually enjoy that ad.

Somehow I missed the masturbating alone part. The latter point about the stridulatory communication phenomenon among poshrockets came through pretty clearly, though.

Most of the people I see driving Porsches around L.A. are either Trophy wives/GFs...Old balding fat guys...and creepy dudes who bought a Porsche to try and pick up women so they wouldn't have to masturbate alone anymore!

there's no mistaking the blood line; a fancy Touraeg.

I like that we have both extremes of sexiness on Jalopnik today

Aston Martin DB4 GT Zagato:- Bridget Bardot in her prime, in a provocotive little number which would look great on your floor..

Porsche Cayenne GTS:- Erm, I dunno....Arnie in his dotage in a provocotive little number which would look great if it was much, much bigger.

Dragon watching commercial...

"Nope nothin' yet, still noth... oh wait! I'm feelin' a little tingly, oh YEAH, now we're getting somewhere!"

*mumbles*- get a little lube... there we go...

"OH YEAH BABY! Look at that race car! OOOOOOH...."

"Ah, SHIT! I lost it! Looks like I'm going down to the garage... so much for No Substitute!"

@Bento: Maybe you should stop looking out for these types, as I'm none of those, but drive a Porsche none the less.

@Benson2175: That's a fancy and UGLIER Touareg.

I'd still rather have the Touareg with the diesel V10.

get rid of the voiceover at the end, and it's pretty close to a perfect commercial...

Was it trying to pick of a civic? Porches don't go to these kinds of places unless they are up to something...

@DoctorNine: I concur

OK, I get it--so one wolf howls and all the others answer. That was fine. They didn't need the Makeout Point part. And it would be funny to reshoot this and have a few ringers in there, like a shrill nasal Honda, a brand new baritone vette, a 70 challenger with glasspacks--basso profundo (boombaboombaboombaboomba)...

@Novaload: If they got rid of the bastard stepchild from the line *cough*SUV!*cough,* they'd have a pretty cool commercial.

Masturbation is really only creepy when you're not alone. Also, these are probably new Porsche owners. They'll have better luck with the not being alone thing once they stop shorting the seat warmer every time they put their overpriced, fully-optioned posemobiles in gear.

A red Porsche SUV. The only way you can get more poser is if you make it a convertible with white leather. I still think it's made of depleted uranium as there's no other explanation for why such a small car would weigh 5500 pounds.

I hate this overweight POS with every fiber of my being. Only if it were soaring through a New Jersey forest with a drunk hick at the tiller would I enjoy this video.

Great commercial, except for the red stationwagon. I thought that guy went up to Inspiration Point to cruise for, um, new friends.

I do have to say though, that one of my finest moments of Porsche-tude was being approached by 2 fellows in a ratty El Camino asking 'whatcyou got in that thing?' Uncorked 5 liter V8's just sound tasty no matter what name is stamped on the valve covers.

Although I despise this car and how it completely epitomizes Porsche's recent bloat, I drove a tuned (circa 550 bhp) MKI Cayenne turbo last year and by god I fucking loved it. Albeit not in the classical sprightly-handling-and-holy-shit-oversteer kind of Porsche way but more in an AMG big-huge-pig-with-infinite-torque kind of way.

"...creepy dudes that masturbate alone"

and that's in difference to masturbating with other men?

lol

I want to get a sleeping bag and move into this commercial at the 40 second mark.

A friend of mine just purchased a Cayenne to go with his precious 02 Boxster S. He goes on and on about how well they both handle and the "Porsche expeience" to anyone who will listen while dismissing my PROcede enhanced 335i coupe as if it's a German Cobalt SS. I'm a fool for 996/7 turbos (Vishnu's working on a 996T PROcede too, @~550hp), but I don't see the point of the spending $130K on two cars that offer little more than the "Porsche experience" in sum when compared to a premium GT like the e92 M3 or GT-R that have some space while remaining pure sports cars. . The whole "fast SUV" trend is a mystery to me, as is the attraction to the Porsche line beyond the GT and turbo 911 models, but my friend's happier than a pig in shit with his vehicle choices, so maybe I'm missing something.

I thought it was pretty neat. I mean I ignored the parts with the Cayenne and in my mind replaced with something much more fitting, so it was neat.

Although, I've got to say when I think Porsche 'wild feral animals' is not the first thought that crosses my mind, it's more along the lines of 'hedgefund' and 'hairgel'.

911 turbo. bottom line that is it for me.

ok ok or GT2

I'll do a further write up on this one soon, but did anyone else find the exhaust note of the white 911 pretty anemic? I did.

I mean, the video linked below cost probably 1/100th of what that Porsche spot cost and I think it sounds better than everything but the Spyder. But that could just be me:

[www.youtube.com]

Oh, hey, while I'm at it...isn't induction noise alot sexier than exhaust noise?

@Bento:
Oh, no fair...
granted I'm not in LA, and I bought my first Porsche so I could attend their Driver's Ed events on the race tracks in the US and Canada, and, well, it is a clapped-out 22yr old FRONT-ENGINED, 4-Banger (putting out 520hp), and my wife has been bugging the cr@p out of me to finish the winter maint. so we can hit the first DE of the season... but really!

If someone gave me a Chili pepper, I'd happily use it as a tow vehicle.

If the Pepper means Porsche won't be bought out by GM, Ford, or even less likely now, VW, then sell as many of the buggers as you can Porsche... I'll be happy to watch you racing in LeMans, Sebring, Daytona, Wawtkins Glen, Laguna Seca, Sears Point, Road America, VIR...

And no, I don't see me buying a new, never owned Porsche anytime soon... well maybe a newer to me Porsche so I don't have to share with the wife, and Cayman prices are comin down...

Please. I'm still recovering from the fact that Porsche built an SUV in the first place.

@jakay11: Okay, so Porsche doesn't build the Cayenne and gets bought by GM, Ford, or VW. First order of business with the new suits, "Hey, let's build an SUV!" What exactly is the difference?

As soon as the accountants took over that company from the engineers, they'd might as well have been bought out. At least there'd be an excuse for their actions.

@hwyengr:
On the other hand...GT3RS, which is a Porsche even I can get behind.

The issue is the $$ and the weight. I'd much rather spend $45k on a nice 1969-73 S than on an "entry level" Boxster. I've made this point before, that a 69 911s is about 1000 times the car that a new Boxster is in terms of car-junkie appeal. Hairshirt Motoring, y'all!

@Al Navarro: until you crash... the old Porsches weren't very safe, the were/are deathtraps.
Seriously I dreamed about a vintage Porsche... a good one, for daily driving... they don't come cheap... but after a long period of thinking and research I preferred the Boxster... and I have to say it is so much fun driving this car I have absolutely no regrets.

@Al Navarro: I'm with you on the long-hood S, but I think you'd be hard pressed to find a "nice" one for 45-large anymore. That will probably get you a good E, though.

@sos10 + PatfromGundo:
If you were concerned about crash integrity, you'd throw a cage in the car. Actually, if you were truly worried, you probably wouldn't buy a sports car in the first place.

My other problem with the Boxster and most modern sports cars (which I've also mentioned ad nauseum before) is that most of them are obsolete in a few years. Everything gets replaced with a newer, faster model. And I'm a sucker for upgrading. By going vintage you start with a car that is already obsolete, and sidestep the upgrade/trade-in trap. A nice old 911 will get props even from a GT3 driver, if he/she knows his/her history.

Alas, Pat points out, the old 911s aren't cheap anymore. Gone are the days when you could get a pretty clean T in the teens. An S in the twenties. There was a nice T at $30k near me recently. Sigh.

@Al Navarro: Sure, the RS is a fantastic car, but it costs almost 80% more than an already unaffordable (to me) 911.

I'm just more bitter at the world in general. My dad and I are in the same line of work. When he came out of school in 1970, a 911 only cost 73% of his starting salary. When I came out of school in 2002, a 911 cost 253% of my salary.

@hwyengr:
I'm with you on the cost to salary ratio. Why couldn't my mom, who was the only female OB/GYN in our area during the pre-managed care era, have been a Ferrari fan?

@Al Navarro: I think he may have been referring to the old 911's propensity for leaving the road ass-first..something that still happens to the 996/7 with especially dense drivers. Chalk it up to 'character'

The Cayenne T concept is something that appeals to me. I travel alot, actually go offroad, need a truck I can tow with and like to really drive. I spent about 45 mins flogging a '04 Cayenne Turbo I was considering purchasing last week. I was indifferent about the styling initialy and turned off by all thought of a Porsche SUV like all other sports car nazis but after spending some time with her all I can say is it is an impressive car. The looks start to grow on you like that odd girl down at the Coffee shop with all the tats who makes a perfect cappaccino and I now get what Porsche is up to going with the Swiss Army knife approch. Nothing else save the Touareg V10-TDI has that kind of swagger on and off road. Who cares who the majority of the owners are it is still a great car. I turned it down in the end because after talking to my trusted Porsche mechanic I was turned off buy some common issues that arise with the pre '05 CTs. If it was black I might have just overlooked those quirks. I would quite happily drive the GTS.

@bd_juju:
That is called "trailing throttle oversteer" no? I'm all about character in cars. Cars that will bite your hand > cars that my mom could outdrive me in.

The only newer Porsche that appeals to me anymore is the Boxster S. The 911 uses too much technology to keep it on the road and the SUV's don't really count.

Its very interesting to see people hate a car they can't afford.

@MagnificentBastard:
Well, what's the difference in that and heaping loads of praise on a car you can't afford? I don't dislike (hate is too strong a word) the Boxster because I can't afford it.

I dislike it, for well, see above.

@MagnificentBastard: Affordability has nothing to do with it. There are plenty of cars I hate that I could buy on a whim. There are also plenty of cars that I love that I will probably never be able to afford.

@MagnificentBastard: If I were one of the five richest kings of Europe, I'd still hate the Cayenne.

I may have mentioned it before, but I think of it every time a conversation starts about the modern Porsche. I had a fold-out brochure from an auto show, with the entire 1992 Porsche lineup on it. The caption at the top, "Most car companies have a sportscar in their lineup. Porsche has a lineup of sportscars." The Cayenne is not a sports car.

The original 993 brochure waxed poetic about how the 911 door basically hadn't changed since 1964, since there was nothing wrong with it. That's the Porsche company I want back. It doesn't have anything to do with what I can and cannot afford.

@hwyengr:
Ditto on the kings thing. If I had that much money, I'd be getting all sorts of Ferrarimino custom jobs and not the Cayenne.

I don't really get the Cayenne either... But why is there so much hating on the Porsche brand? Is it some of the blowhards who buy them for reasons beyond driving?

I use my '91 964 C4 as a daily driver, and I love the hell out of it. All weather, (okay... not "offroad") but it does what I need with individuality and verve. It didn't cost me that much..

There seems to be this prevailing impression that it costs a fortune, but it was about half what a pimped up Toyota costs, (its an old car) but it makes me happy...

@tbennett017: I don't hate the Porsche brand, pre-1999. Once the nose wa